Am I jinxed?

It has been a very testing month for me despite October being my most favorite month.
God is certainly testing my patience and at some point I begin to question why? I know its blashphemous but I am just human. Being human too means that I have my limitations.

Its been a very exhausting and emotionally draining month for me. I seem to be losing so many things in the past month. I lost some money, I lost my phone, I lost the guy I love who happens to be a close friend so I've lost a friend too and now I lost one of my most prized assets just because of some mix up. It'll settle on Monday hopefully.

On top of that, I'm still juggling negotiations to secure external funds for my business and this month has proved to be such a disappointment. Not to mention me falling sick with a stuffy nose and a super husky voice for the past 3 days. Not even my super vitamins can keep ailments at bay. My God, sometimes I feel like I'm jinxed.

Yesterday I came home late. I was listening to Alicia Keys on the radio, "Some people want diamond rings, some just want everything, but everything means nothing, if I ain't got you......" Suddenly I realized tears were dripping down my cheeks. I guess I still miss my close friend who actually broke my heart, not because he decided to marry another woman, but rather because he decided not to be friends with me anymore. I just felt so sad to have to forget a person that I have known so well, for the past two years, someone who share his future ideations and opinions with me, so suddenly. Its a bit impossible to grasp why. Although I know that its not my choice to make, but sometimes I do wonder whether was it any of my fault that contributed to all this? The lack of explanations leaves so many question marks. Despite everybody telling me to shake it off and that he is an asshole and a jerk for treating me this way, and that he doesn't deserve my friendship and that karma will get back at him - oh well, anyone who really knew me would know that I only see the goodness in people.

So I went home today, whipped up a quick dinner for Nabilah to take away, and watched Oprah on the telly. I've always loved Oprah because she's such a power lady and I often told myself that when I grow up I want to be just like her. Well, I am gaining bits and pieces of it - I understand people well, I can communicate and listen well, I love kids and animals, I get involved in humanitarian work, I support breast cancer awareness, I support women organizations, and I try my best to help other people. Watching her show today lifted my spirits a bit. So I decided to send a thank you email to Oprah today. I wonder whether I'll get a reply.

Well its another weekend alone at home. The current events has forced me to stay home this weekend. Oh well, on the good side, perhaps I'll get that much needed rest I've been postponing.