Despite all the turmoils that I've trudged through this whole year, I still find myself smiling. Its true when they say when you learn to love God, you learn to love yourself more. You try your best to be an excellent individual, because God wants us to be excellent individuals. In every calling for prayer, he reminds us by inviting us to excel to glory.
God is fair, that is one thing that I purely believe. It is us humans who make life unfair for each other, but its okay, if God wills something to happen, then definitely it must be for a good reason. We just need to learn to understand things as they come.
I think God is trying to teach me to love myself more. I have been sacrificing everything for everyone around me but it was out of desperation. But now I do it out of love for God and out of love for myself.
Its nearing year end, and I have found myself calmer than when I first started. Despite the problems, the heart break and the constant struggle to maintain a healthy cash flow, I have a good feeling that things will be much better after this.
Insya Allah.
Sometimes I wish I can help other people see what I see, and perceive the world as how I perceive it - I could really make them smile everyday as how I smile. But God is all-knowing, and perhaps this revelation is something they need to find out for themselves. All I can do for them is pray.
Showing posts with label happy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label happy. Show all posts
Friday, December 4, 2009
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Sometimes we forget.....
Today is actually a really good day for me. Despite all the crisis with the company and stuff, I think I may have actually put to rest one issue on my head which in a way gave me a real sense of relief.
Libras are highly emotionally driven beings. But as they age, they become less expressive and tend to mellow down a bit. Even so, they always strive to achieve balance and they suck at living alone. A slight reassurance that you would not be alone is actually enough to boost a Libra to greater heights. The problem is, Libras usually want direct answers, yes or no - not anything in between. So relationship tangos do drive them up the wall. The guessing game although exhilarating to begin with, sometimes would not last the mood swing of the Libra when played too long.
Still, the events of today (which I shall not reveal what), had given me a whole new perspective towards my life. In a way, it reminded me how much I have lost sight of who I really am. I guess I have been so depressed with all the happenings around me that I forget my pledge to be life's scholar. God is teaching me something new this year - independence. Prior to this, it was a long lesson on patience. Now it is on independence. Not just external independence but internal as well. I am an independent and talented lady on the outside, but inside I do admit that I am chained by unnecessary emotional dependence towards men.
Perhaps it was the upbringing of always trying to get my father's approval, which later led to always wanting a guy's approval to the things I do. Did it help me much? Well, if you look at it one way - maybe it did give a boost of confidence. But when you dissect each and every situation, the emotional dependence part is all crap. My divorce proved it. I told myself before that my success was because my ex was there for me to hold my hand, but the truth is - even without him, I would have still graduated to be a doctor, perhaps without him I wouldn't have caused a lot of issues with my father, and maybe my life would have been better off, and I would be a pediatric specialist by now. Then maybe I would meet a more deserving guy who understood and appreciated my talent except for spending 6 years of my life slaving away to a guy that doesn't even recognize half of my value.
Now without him or any guy I have a great business which although has its hiccups, but at least it is something I love doing and always wanted. I'm finally enjoying my womanhood with a greater meaning, and motherhood becomes less stressful because I do not need to pretend to be anyone else but myself. I have resolved a lot of my past issues like relationships with my dad and my step mum, relationships between siblings, I made a great deal number of new and more rational friends and I love myself more by taking care of myself for me.
Now I just need to get it into my head that I do not need emotional dependence towards any guy. Yes, I do need some emotional support, but perhaps stability of emotions is more important and that can only be achieved by being independent emotionally. Initial I believed that to solve my emotional turmoil, I needed to find an emotionally stable guy - but realistically, no emotionally stable guy would be crazy enough to attempt to be with a woman who is so emotionally unstable. So the lesson here is to achieve emotional independence. I must train myself to be emotionally stable. I can live with myself, I just need to love myself more. Overall, this would bring a more comprehensive meaning of happiness, and stability in other platforms of my life.
Its late, I need to sleep. I have a lot of creative thinking and writing to do tomorrow. For whatever transpired today, it was wonderful. I'm truly happy.
Libras are highly emotionally driven beings. But as they age, they become less expressive and tend to mellow down a bit. Even so, they always strive to achieve balance and they suck at living alone. A slight reassurance that you would not be alone is actually enough to boost a Libra to greater heights. The problem is, Libras usually want direct answers, yes or no - not anything in between. So relationship tangos do drive them up the wall. The guessing game although exhilarating to begin with, sometimes would not last the mood swing of the Libra when played too long.
Still, the events of today (which I shall not reveal what), had given me a whole new perspective towards my life. In a way, it reminded me how much I have lost sight of who I really am. I guess I have been so depressed with all the happenings around me that I forget my pledge to be life's scholar. God is teaching me something new this year - independence. Prior to this, it was a long lesson on patience. Now it is on independence. Not just external independence but internal as well. I am an independent and talented lady on the outside, but inside I do admit that I am chained by unnecessary emotional dependence towards men.
Perhaps it was the upbringing of always trying to get my father's approval, which later led to always wanting a guy's approval to the things I do. Did it help me much? Well, if you look at it one way - maybe it did give a boost of confidence. But when you dissect each and every situation, the emotional dependence part is all crap. My divorce proved it. I told myself before that my success was because my ex was there for me to hold my hand, but the truth is - even without him, I would have still graduated to be a doctor, perhaps without him I wouldn't have caused a lot of issues with my father, and maybe my life would have been better off, and I would be a pediatric specialist by now. Then maybe I would meet a more deserving guy who understood and appreciated my talent except for spending 6 years of my life slaving away to a guy that doesn't even recognize half of my value.
Now without him or any guy I have a great business which although has its hiccups, but at least it is something I love doing and always wanted. I'm finally enjoying my womanhood with a greater meaning, and motherhood becomes less stressful because I do not need to pretend to be anyone else but myself. I have resolved a lot of my past issues like relationships with my dad and my step mum, relationships between siblings, I made a great deal number of new and more rational friends and I love myself more by taking care of myself for me.
Now I just need to get it into my head that I do not need emotional dependence towards any guy. Yes, I do need some emotional support, but perhaps stability of emotions is more important and that can only be achieved by being independent emotionally. Initial I believed that to solve my emotional turmoil, I needed to find an emotionally stable guy - but realistically, no emotionally stable guy would be crazy enough to attempt to be with a woman who is so emotionally unstable. So the lesson here is to achieve emotional independence. I must train myself to be emotionally stable. I can live with myself, I just need to love myself more. Overall, this would bring a more comprehensive meaning of happiness, and stability in other platforms of my life.
Its late, I need to sleep. I have a lot of creative thinking and writing to do tomorrow. For whatever transpired today, it was wonderful. I'm truly happy.
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