It has been a stressful and hectic 2 months. Things are not all rosy in the corporate world that I have started to indulge in. Maybe the toll of trying to solve too many things have taken onto my mood and happiness of late. Unfortunately, I don't really have anyone that I can just vent out all my frustrations and would not judge me and just understand. Everyone tend to judge whatever I do, perhaps because I couldn't really explain in too detail the things going about, and perhaps also for them to comprehend what I'm going through is not easy. I have accepted it at that, thus I keep to myself concerning my work and try my best to solve whatever turmoil I am having step by step. I am starting to see some light to my massive problem and they maybe yet a fairy tale ending to all this.
But what is upsetting me is not really about work. Few days ago, I had a friendly call from my neighbour asking me how I was and then started asking me about whether I had any boyfriends and when I am planning to remarry. She was concerned that I was single and told me it wasn't healthy to be single for a long time as I may end up depressed like a few of her cousins. Okay, I swallowed it as that. Then I received a call from my sister and she was berating me on why I bother looking for a Malay soulmate, go find a nice decent Caucasian and that I should get myself a boyfriend ASAP.
Yes, I do admit sometimes I do feel lonely since I have spent almost 10 years in a steady relationship but the 10 years has also taught me an important lesson which is its not about having somebody but its more of having 'the' somebody that will love and treat you fairly that you are comfortable with and who will protect you, your faith and your family. It took me almost 30 years to realize what type of man would suit me, perhaps I have found some men who fit the certain criterias that I need, but I'm not going to jump into relationship just because my neighbour, my friends or my family is worried that I'll be single and depressed. I'm far from depressed. I'm actually happy with my life except for the minor glitch at work.
And besides I cannot commit to any man now, not when my baby girl is just learning to speak properly. Not when my ex is remarrying and my kids need me for emotional support, not when my company is still unstable, not when I have still have a long way to go to settle my liabilities and not when I'm still learning to enjoy my single life. I would estimate another year or two before I would be ready enough to focus on another man, to be fair to him and make the marriage work.
Because to me, getting myself involved in a serious relationship would require a lot of lifestyle changes. After all, I would be married to the family as well not just the guy. I would need to allocate time for him and his family, on top of my own time for myself and my family, and my job. It would be possible once I've gone through all the hurdles I need to now. I would need to adapt to living with a man again, and everyone being their own island, would definitely need time getting use to.
Therefore, I can't just settle down with any man. The guy would be someone who really loves me and willing to understand my complicated life and willing to allow me to settle it one by one. Someone who can love my children so that if anything ever happened to me, they would still be taken cared for. Someone who has his own thing going, so that he won't be too bothered with me being busy as I am, as long as we make time for each other. Someone who will guide me closer to God, because at the end of the day, all things in the world are material, and we will die and meet our Creator hopefully in the best form.
So, its not that simple. Its not just about getting a guy to get laid and settle down. So don't push it. I will know when I'm ready and when I've found the right guy. Besides, God will guide me definitely.
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Wisdom from an old friend....
I must be hyped today - 3 blog entries in a day? Well, one was an old entry I forgot to publish, the second was just one while passing time in my clinic, and this one, well, some pearls passed down to me by my lawyer.
My lawyer is a fascinating lady with years of experience in Islamic law. She even has a masters in Philosophy from Kent, Canterbury, and is notorious for her fierceness in the court room. But otherwise, she is the most pleasant lady, despite her high lawyer fee. But like she told me, its like getting a specialist from Gleanegles to see you - I completely understand. Her advices are very useful and practical.
Today we met up just to keep on track with the case. After the discussion, we had a little chat on relationships. She told me how most of her clients usually went from one divorce to another because the real problem was the client did not change. She was attracted to the same type of men that had abused her previously that led to the first divorce. Looking at me, she feels that she should tell me this, as a friend. "You are young, pretty, energetic and hardworking. Build your business and yourself first before you go looking for a guy. Love your child, and take care of yourself. Be patient, waiting a few years won't hurt. At least if you have a successful business and good life, you can choose whom to be your future partner. The key is to find a man who is responsible and knows Islam well. Just promise me you wouldn't end up marrying someone just like your ex-husband."
She then told me a story about her client who was a pilot. He married a single lady from a rich family. He had one boy whom he took care of because his ex-wife was incapable. When my lawyer asked her what prompted her to marry him, she said she was impressed with the way he took care of his son, and thus she knows that he would be a great dad to her children.
I just smiled. Honestly I prefer single men. Single virgin men. Its not that I'm biased but I just like unexplored territories. Plus I do believe I am incredibly possessive when it comes to things related to my man. But don't get me wrong, its not that I'm a queen controlling freak, nope. My man gets to do or go anywhere he wants as long as he remains faithful to me. But when he is unfaithful.... well that's another story. I can be a very good friend, but I can also be the worst enemy. Not to mention my information gathering techniques which makes some people believe I could be a spy.
Coming back to the story, it made me wonder whether any man would ever see my single motherhood as a bonus rather than a vice. I believe I am a good mother, I provide my child with everything I could. I even sacrificed my career in medicine just so that I have flexible time with them. Oh yes, I do need to leave them in other people's hands when I work, but usually not more than 8 hours. At night I'm around and I tuck my little pixie to bed, and I read her favourite story book for her. Despite still no luck with a maid, I still manage to keep the house clean, cook good food and spend at least an hour a day watching her favourite cartoon with her. And weekends, I make it a point to do some physical activity like playground, play gym or other interesting things. Nabilah gets at least 10 hugs a day and at least 10 kisses from me.
What my lawyer told me made a lot of sense. If I were typical, I would be more interested with a man of familiar traits i.e. like my ex-husband. I noticed that my boyfriend after him shared quite similar traits which after 3 months I decided it was impossible. I was only getting an upgraded version of my ex-hubby which is not good enough. I told my ex-boyfriend frankly that if I were to marry him, well we'd be lucky for it to last 2 years even. So I broke off from him, took away every shread of pity I have for him and kept it locked up in Davy Jones locker. It drove him nuts but I know I couldn't. I just hope God puts him in better hands than mine.
After 2 years of separation, I know exactly what I want. I want a man that loves God more than me, a man who will encourage me to do goodness and succeed in life, a man better than me that I completely respect in many areas, responsible, a man who respect my capabilities, who is independent of me, intelligent, but at the same time lovable, amiable and able to make me laugh and smile. Someone I can share everything with, including knowledge. Someone that I completely love that I would do anything for him, someone who can accept my children and protect them as his own. Someone I can grow old with.
For the time being, I would still remain single but married to my businesses. My lawyer's advice is a sound one I should follow. Mr Right, if youa re out there, don't hesitate, but if you are thinking about soon matrimony, I would have to ask you to wait at least another year or two till I've established myself. But then, we could still be best of friends right?
My lawyer is a fascinating lady with years of experience in Islamic law. She even has a masters in Philosophy from Kent, Canterbury, and is notorious for her fierceness in the court room. But otherwise, she is the most pleasant lady, despite her high lawyer fee. But like she told me, its like getting a specialist from Gleanegles to see you - I completely understand. Her advices are very useful and practical.
Today we met up just to keep on track with the case. After the discussion, we had a little chat on relationships. She told me how most of her clients usually went from one divorce to another because the real problem was the client did not change. She was attracted to the same type of men that had abused her previously that led to the first divorce. Looking at me, she feels that she should tell me this, as a friend. "You are young, pretty, energetic and hardworking. Build your business and yourself first before you go looking for a guy. Love your child, and take care of yourself. Be patient, waiting a few years won't hurt. At least if you have a successful business and good life, you can choose whom to be your future partner. The key is to find a man who is responsible and knows Islam well. Just promise me you wouldn't end up marrying someone just like your ex-husband."
She then told me a story about her client who was a pilot. He married a single lady from a rich family. He had one boy whom he took care of because his ex-wife was incapable. When my lawyer asked her what prompted her to marry him, she said she was impressed with the way he took care of his son, and thus she knows that he would be a great dad to her children.
I just smiled. Honestly I prefer single men. Single virgin men. Its not that I'm biased but I just like unexplored territories. Plus I do believe I am incredibly possessive when it comes to things related to my man. But don't get me wrong, its not that I'm a queen controlling freak, nope. My man gets to do or go anywhere he wants as long as he remains faithful to me. But when he is unfaithful.... well that's another story. I can be a very good friend, but I can also be the worst enemy. Not to mention my information gathering techniques which makes some people believe I could be a spy.
Coming back to the story, it made me wonder whether any man would ever see my single motherhood as a bonus rather than a vice. I believe I am a good mother, I provide my child with everything I could. I even sacrificed my career in medicine just so that I have flexible time with them. Oh yes, I do need to leave them in other people's hands when I work, but usually not more than 8 hours. At night I'm around and I tuck my little pixie to bed, and I read her favourite story book for her. Despite still no luck with a maid, I still manage to keep the house clean, cook good food and spend at least an hour a day watching her favourite cartoon with her. And weekends, I make it a point to do some physical activity like playground, play gym or other interesting things. Nabilah gets at least 10 hugs a day and at least 10 kisses from me.
What my lawyer told me made a lot of sense. If I were typical, I would be more interested with a man of familiar traits i.e. like my ex-husband. I noticed that my boyfriend after him shared quite similar traits which after 3 months I decided it was impossible. I was only getting an upgraded version of my ex-hubby which is not good enough. I told my ex-boyfriend frankly that if I were to marry him, well we'd be lucky for it to last 2 years even. So I broke off from him, took away every shread of pity I have for him and kept it locked up in Davy Jones locker. It drove him nuts but I know I couldn't. I just hope God puts him in better hands than mine.
After 2 years of separation, I know exactly what I want. I want a man that loves God more than me, a man who will encourage me to do goodness and succeed in life, a man better than me that I completely respect in many areas, responsible, a man who respect my capabilities, who is independent of me, intelligent, but at the same time lovable, amiable and able to make me laugh and smile. Someone I can share everything with, including knowledge. Someone that I completely love that I would do anything for him, someone who can accept my children and protect them as his own. Someone I can grow old with.
For the time being, I would still remain single but married to my businesses. My lawyer's advice is a sound one I should follow. Mr Right, if youa re out there, don't hesitate, but if you are thinking about soon matrimony, I would have to ask you to wait at least another year or two till I've established myself. But then, we could still be best of friends right?
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