God is always fair... why do we always forget?

I have been strung down with too many negative emotions of late. Perhaps its due to late menses, coupled with a very low financial situation that can drive anybody crazy, plus with minors to handle and other expectations to meet. I know that the worst is almost over, that patience will drag me to the next level and I'll be okay. I will definitely pull through. On top of all this, I discovered that I have lost the friendship of a valuable friend which feels like being stabbed in the heart with an ebony dagger - okay that sounds a bit too dramatic. I'll live, hurt but definitely will live and survive.

And with all this craziness, yesterday my ex-husband could simply ask me whether do I want to reconsider the child custody arrangement and let the kids live with me one week, with him one week. Enough is enough already you asshole of an idiot. I suffered 2 years because of the child custody case, spent all my resources and happily put myself into debt in order to get the kids, until the point that I had to let go of Aina into your care - most painfully and tearfully. I cried the whole night after making that decision, alone. My only counsel is that soon Aina will be 9, and she can decide to live with me if she wants to - if not, its okay, but I'll always be here for her. The kids need stability. This is what they get with the current arrangement. I need stability. I can't have half my months without any of my kids. My life won't mean anything. You have your frickking half-twit fiancee whom you'll soon marry - marry her first then you tell me if you still want the kids to be with you all the time.

In my desperation, I cried myself to sleep last night. I felt so unhappy. It was difficult to sleep at night, I sometimes roam my house, sit on the couch and watch the telly for anything good. I have lived in this house for so long, yet something felt amiss, something was missing. And I guess it was my happiness. It left a void in my soul which was difficult to describe. Perhaps I was heart broken. I don't know. Last night I prayed to God to help relieve my unhappiness, it just felt so bad.

So today I woke up with little enthusiasm. But my little girl was so cute sleeping next to me, it put a smile to my face. We got up to watch Dora the explorer, her favourite show. I made toast and mini cocktail sausages, and we had breakfast together. Then I headed off to my office, where a friend came over to see me. We chatted a bit, when a friend invited me for lunch and treated Japanese. I love Japanese food. Before I left my clinic, my American journalist friend popped by after so long of being away. We've set a lunch date for next week. Later this evening I'll be meeting up with my Aussie friend who comes over to see me every year.

I guess today wasn't so bad. Which is why I always tell myself that God is fair. When I feel so blue, he sends friends to cheer me up, when I'm low on cash, he sends friends who help me out, when I think that I am so alone in the world, he sends friends to remind me that I am not alone.

I know I'll be okay, because I know God protects and watches over me, and because my friends and family are always with me. Its time to head home. Tomorrow will be a more excellent day.