Despite all the turmoils that I've trudged through this whole year, I still find myself smiling. Its true when they say when you learn to love God, you learn to love yourself more. You try your best to be an excellent individual, because God wants us to be excellent individuals. In every calling for prayer, he reminds us by inviting us to excel to glory.
God is fair, that is one thing that I purely believe. It is us humans who make life unfair for each other, but its okay, if God wills something to happen, then definitely it must be for a good reason. We just need to learn to understand things as they come.
I think God is trying to teach me to love myself more. I have been sacrificing everything for everyone around me but it was out of desperation. But now I do it out of love for God and out of love for myself.
Its nearing year end, and I have found myself calmer than when I first started. Despite the problems, the heart break and the constant struggle to maintain a healthy cash flow, I have a good feeling that things will be much better after this.
Insya Allah.
Sometimes I wish I can help other people see what I see, and perceive the world as how I perceive it - I could really make them smile everyday as how I smile. But God is all-knowing, and perhaps this revelation is something they need to find out for themselves. All I can do for them is pray.
Showing posts with label sacrifice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sacrifice. Show all posts
Friday, December 4, 2009
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
I'm just tired....
Have you ever come to one point of your life where you just feel so tired that you just want to not do anything until the lethargy passes?
I guess I am exhausted - physically, mentally, emotionally tired. Its hard when you are on your own doing so many things, and you don't really have anybody you can confide in that would understand you. Or for the better part just listen - or even if you don't feel like talking, just to hold you, so that you don't feel so alone in the world. So that you realize that there is someone to turn to, someone who actually cares.
Sometimes I envy other people who have very simple and easy lives, sometimes I question God when will all my drama end? When will I be able to settle down and lead a proper stable life? I'm barely reaching 30, but I feel like I've lived almost 60 years on this planet. I'm tired of the things I have to go through everyday, I'm bored of doing things alone.
2 years of singlehood, it is actually quite a task to live alone again. Like I always tell my single friends, you cannot miss what you never had. Unfortunately, I had it all but it disappeared. Now perhaps I am self-sabotaging myself by putting such high standards for a to-be partner and aiming for unrealistic goals.
A lot of guys tell me I am highly attractive and I would have no problem in getting a new mate. But would there be one who is willing to sacrifice himself for my happiness? Someone that would keep me smiling despite all the crisis I have to face and go through, somebody who would love to spend time with me without trying to get me to have sex with him. Someone who does not calculate the minutes of our conversations, and understands that I am an expressive being which needs to express herself and not ignore me. I don't want a man 24 hours by my side, but at least to understand that I am just human, and I need emotional support.
I'm tired of looking or even trying anymore. I guess if someone really likes me or loves me, he would definitely say so and get straight to the point. Love is suppose to be unconditioned, lust on the other hand needs plenty of rules to not get out of hand.
Honestly, I don't know what is really bothering me now. Maybe i just need to rest. I'm so tired.
I guess I am exhausted - physically, mentally, emotionally tired. Its hard when you are on your own doing so many things, and you don't really have anybody you can confide in that would understand you. Or for the better part just listen - or even if you don't feel like talking, just to hold you, so that you don't feel so alone in the world. So that you realize that there is someone to turn to, someone who actually cares.
Sometimes I envy other people who have very simple and easy lives, sometimes I question God when will all my drama end? When will I be able to settle down and lead a proper stable life? I'm barely reaching 30, but I feel like I've lived almost 60 years on this planet. I'm tired of the things I have to go through everyday, I'm bored of doing things alone.
2 years of singlehood, it is actually quite a task to live alone again. Like I always tell my single friends, you cannot miss what you never had. Unfortunately, I had it all but it disappeared. Now perhaps I am self-sabotaging myself by putting such high standards for a to-be partner and aiming for unrealistic goals.
A lot of guys tell me I am highly attractive and I would have no problem in getting a new mate. But would there be one who is willing to sacrifice himself for my happiness? Someone that would keep me smiling despite all the crisis I have to face and go through, somebody who would love to spend time with me without trying to get me to have sex with him. Someone who does not calculate the minutes of our conversations, and understands that I am an expressive being which needs to express herself and not ignore me. I don't want a man 24 hours by my side, but at least to understand that I am just human, and I need emotional support.
I'm tired of looking or even trying anymore. I guess if someone really likes me or loves me, he would definitely say so and get straight to the point. Love is suppose to be unconditioned, lust on the other hand needs plenty of rules to not get out of hand.
Honestly, I don't know what is really bothering me now. Maybe i just need to rest. I'm so tired.
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