Birthday 2009 Wrap Up........

Its another birthday, another year, yet I still feel 18. Okay perhaps this year I aged a bit so 21. Its a quiet birthday this year, unlike the years prior. But quiet as it seems, I still received 3 cakes on my birthday, a minimum quota for every year.

The reason for the lack of enthusiasm for celebrating the most important day of my life has a lot to do with the internal frustrations I face everyday related to the Company. Sometimes I feel that I've tried my best, but there are times I feel like I'm not doing enough.Its frustrating when people promise you pearls and diamonds but gives dust instead, its highly stressful when you need to renegotiate everything under the sun. I guess for the average person, you would easily succumb into depression and give up.

I think I was going through a phase of depression for the past 3 months now. Getting out of bed was becoming a more difficult task day by day. I just have to keep telling myself that I won't accomplish anything lying down. And to top all the unfortunate events, I lose the one guy that could make me smile even if my whole world was collapsing around me. Crazy as it seems, his actions actually pushed me into a better perspective. I feel more down to earth, facing reality as how it is and not how I want it to be. Painful, but a lesson important to learn. With a heart bruised, I guess I succumb myself more deeply into my work which is now my first and utmost priority. At least I need not worry about other distractions for the moment.

Every night I pray for guidance from God, guidance to settle the issues surrounding the Company because I fear I may not have the stamina to trudge on anymore, guidance to reorganize my life, guidance to my heart. Sometimes I wonder which ails me more, the Company issues, or the internal issues. Regardless, I pray everything settles as it should, so that I can continue with whatever God has planned for me to do in this world.

Its my birthday, I should rejoice that God still allows me to walk this world with good health. The month is not over yet, let's pray for good things to come.