Everyone perceives the world differently.....

The most common comment I'm getting nowadays is... "You lost weight!". Technically, I do admit I did shed a few pounds, not so much to be so significant, but perhaps everyone is just being nice to me because I'm not my usual chirpy self. Or maybe I look so sunken that gives a false impression of me being thinner. Regardless, people are just people. They are free to have their own opinion as do I.

Which is why I get so pissed off when people try to advise me on relationships. Its not that they are all wrong, but they forget that me being an individual have different ways of coping. Yeah, perhaps my lack of appetite and dry mood raises a few concerns, but I will definitely sort out the things in my head, my way. I have a good insight to my problems, which I do not necessarily have to share with the whole world.

A lot of friends tell me to just forget whatever heartbreaks in the past and someone new will come and ease the pain. Well, easier said than done. With me, it may happen, it may not. The most recent heart break was in a way traumatizing, that I think my appetite for men has dampened greatly. I just told my close friends, don't keep telling me to forget because its not how I cope. And it'll take a while, maybe a year, maybe 2, maybe 5 or 10 - depends on how long God wish to torture me with a life of solitude. But He has his reasons, I'm still trying to comprehend what was the lesson to learnt. Maybe because I don't get it which makes my heart so tormented.

I sometimes envy my married friends because at least they have someone to hug and hold them when they are upset, someone to share things with and make memories with. Most people tell me to go out and get a rebound boyfriend, but like I said, I am different. Its not that easy to get into my personal life, to be a guy that I can trust enough that I would allow him to hold me. To me, its meaningless to hug a guy that does not hold any value to me, let alone sleep with one. To reach that level of trust, it would take a while. To allow that sort of trust again, oh boy, its really going to take a while.

It is really going to take awhile for me to recover from what ails my heart. Its not as easy as some other people because I take relationships seriously and like I said, I am extremely choosy. Although people say I need someone to be with me, but it just can't be anyone. And besides, if most people say something, its not necessarily true. I know myself, I know who I am and what I want in life and what I look for in a life partner. There are many layers of me that is invisible to the naked eye, and only the right person will be able to unravel those mysteries.

I am just human after all. Yesterday, again I cried myself to sleep because I missed my friend and still can't understand why things happen as it is happening now. Sometimes I do wonder how long would this go on.... its contributing to some unsightly eye bags under the eyes which I can't really afford to have, not in this industry. Oh well, only God knows.....