Its Aidil Adha today and its another quiet Raya for me. Its quite ironic with the fact that I do have my family in KL, but apparently everyone else was just happy doing their own business.
Raya celebrations this year were at an absolute minimum. I made tomato rice for my kids, and perhaps that was just about it. Maybe the Raya spirit is not really set in because I didn't manage to make it in time for the morning prayers, or maybe the lack of love ones around me. I still had my girls, it was more than enough. But ever since I came back from Padang, my heart has been yearning for a life companion and perhaps its starting to get to me.
2 and a half years of being single. The fact that I'll be 30 next year makes it no less harder. I know who I am and how complicated my life is, despite me trying to make things appear so simple. The last heart break caused me to think and analyze my life a lot. I don't really blame the guy for ending our friendship, he'd have to have balls of steel if he decides to walk the path of life with me. My life is a on-going drama, it takes a lot of courage and patience to actually cope with the events that occur around me. It would have been comforting to have an intelligent and good-hearted man to care for you, but God has his reasons. Still, nobody likes to be lonely, and sometimes I just wish I had a guy to confide to my greatest fears, my troubles and share my happy moments. Someone to cuddle up with me on lazy Sundays and love me for the unique person I am. Patience is my only companion now, and I confide most of my musings to God.
This morning when I switched on the telly, there were a lot of discussions concerning Haji and faith. One interesting excerpt that was mention was a verse from the Quran that meant something like this : "You may not like it, but it may be good for you." I can't remember which verse he was referring to, but it sort of rang a few bells in my head. I may not like the events happening around me, but perhaps its the best for me. I've always prayed that God gives the best for me in all aspects - my personal life, my kids, my family, my jodoh, my company, my work, my studies, my faith. I always believe he will watch over me and guide me and help me when I don't have the power to move on. It was his promise to his faithful servants - He would not test thy servant unless they have the capability to overcome it. If I can't trust God, then there's no point in trusting anyone else or myself.
Looking at the pictures of Mecca and Madinah on the telly makes me really want to go visit the beautiful cities next year. Will I be given the chance? Only God knows for sure. I guess I'd have to settle my internal issues first before taking the leap there.
Happy Aidil Adha everyone. Hope you have a swell one.
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