Wisdom from an old friend....

I must be hyped today - 3 blog entries in a day? Well, one was an old entry I forgot to publish, the second was just one while passing time in my clinic, and this one, well, some pearls passed down to me by my lawyer.

My lawyer is a fascinating lady with years of experience in Islamic law. She even has a masters in Philosophy from Kent, Canterbury, and is notorious for her fierceness in the court room. But otherwise, she is the most pleasant lady, despite her high lawyer fee. But like she told me, its like getting a specialist from Gleanegles to see you - I completely understand. Her advices are very useful and practical.

Today we met up just to keep on track with the case. After the discussion, we had a little chat on relationships. She told me how most of her clients usually went from one divorce to another because the real problem was the client did not change. She was attracted to the same type of men that had abused her previously that led to the first divorce. Looking at me, she feels that she should tell me this, as a friend. "You are young, pretty, energetic and hardworking. Build your business and yourself first before you go looking for a guy. Love your child, and take care of yourself. Be patient, waiting a few years won't hurt. At least if you have a successful business and good life, you can choose whom to be your future partner. The key is to find a man who is responsible and knows Islam well. Just promise me you wouldn't end up marrying someone just like your ex-husband."

She then told me a story about her client who was a pilot. He married a single lady from a rich family. He had one boy whom he took care of because his ex-wife was incapable. When my lawyer asked her what prompted her to marry him, she said she was impressed with the way he took care of his son, and thus she knows that he would be a great dad to her children.

I just smiled. Honestly I prefer single men. Single virgin men. Its not that I'm biased but I just like unexplored territories. Plus I do believe I am incredibly possessive when it comes to things related to my man. But don't get me wrong, its not that I'm a queen controlling freak, nope. My man gets to do or go anywhere he wants as long as he remains faithful to me. But when he is unfaithful.... well that's another story. I can be a very good friend, but I can also be the worst enemy. Not to mention my information gathering techniques which makes some people believe I could be a spy.

Coming back to the story, it made me wonder whether any man would ever see my single motherhood as a bonus rather than a vice. I believe I am a good mother, I provide my child with everything I could. I even sacrificed my career in medicine just so that I have flexible time with them. Oh yes, I do need to leave them in other people's hands when I work, but usually not more than 8 hours. At night I'm around and I tuck my little pixie to bed, and I read her favourite story book for her. Despite still no luck with a maid, I still manage to keep the house clean, cook good food and spend at least an hour a day watching her favourite cartoon with her. And weekends, I make it a point to do some physical activity like playground, play gym or other interesting things. Nabilah gets at least 10 hugs a day and at least 10 kisses from me.

What my lawyer told me made a lot of sense. If I were typical, I would be more interested with a man of familiar traits i.e. like my ex-husband. I noticed that my boyfriend after him shared quite similar traits which after 3 months I decided it was impossible. I was only getting an upgraded version of my ex-hubby which is not good enough. I told my ex-boyfriend frankly that if I were to marry him, well we'd be lucky for it to last 2 years even. So I broke off from him, took away every shread of pity I have for him and kept it locked up in Davy Jones locker. It drove him nuts but I know I couldn't. I just hope God puts him in better hands than mine.

After 2 years of separation, I know exactly what I want. I want a man that loves God more than me, a man who will encourage me to do goodness and succeed in life, a man better than me that I completely respect in many areas, responsible, a man who respect my capabilities, who is independent of me, intelligent, but at the same time lovable, amiable and able to make me laugh and smile. Someone I can share everything with, including knowledge. Someone that I completely love that I would do anything for him, someone who can accept my children and protect them as his own. Someone I can grow old with.

For the time being, I would still remain single but married to my businesses. My lawyer's advice is a sound one I should follow. Mr Right, if youa re out there, don't hesitate, but if you are thinking about soon matrimony, I would have to ask you to wait at least another year or two till I've established myself. But then, we could still be best of friends right?