Dear Mr M,
I have been contemplating over these few weeks whether I would write this entry or not. There is a possibility that you may not even realize the existence of this letter, since apparently your head is busy with other things now. But, for peace of heart and mind I guess I would need to write this for if you know me that well you know that it is one of my outlets to pent up feelings.
Where do I start? We had a wonderful life together, I practically grew in front of your eyes. From the young innocent teenager, to a full blown woman bearing children. We fell in love the first time we laid eyes on each other and I defied all odds just to be with you. Despite my father's wrath and the many scowls that we received in the beginning, perseverance finally led to wedlock. But what went wrong? I've asked myself this question one time too many. Why did the passionate love we had died so sudden? I was so madly in love with you, or perhaps a vision of you, that I sacrificed a little too much.
Blame me for what transpired, yes definitely I blamed myself. I was too keen to shelter you from the hardships of the world that you took all my efforts for granted. I pampered you too much, until you forgot that it was you who was suppose to take care of me not the other way round. Despite my brain telling me that you would not change, my heart refused to believe it. I followed your every whim, hoping that some day you would break loose from your cocoon and spread your wings like a butterfly. But I was wishing on the wrong cocoon. There was no butterfly inside it. And in grief, I had to accept that I was mistaken.
I prayed to God for guidance and this is the guidance he had given me. God is always Almighty, and all merciful. He knew that the longer I stayed with you, the fire burning in me would soon to diminish into embers. He gave me a new purpose in life, one that I am highly grateful for. So despite all the hardships that I will need to go through, I chose to change, as my creator had said that he will not change the fate of anyone unless they make steps to change themselves first. I prayed for the divorced, I got what I wanted, honestly I have never regretted the decision I made. I only regret that what we had did not last as long as we thought it would.
Knowing you extremely well, I prayed to God to grant you a partner that is more suitable to you and one that can ease your heart's suffering of losing me. I guess God has been kind to you, almost immediately your heart was open to a few other girls and the most recent one, I pray she would make you happy. Living with a woman is not so much hell if you could understand them well enough, hopefully what you learnt while we were together would help you fare better in your coming marriage. Just remember to pray for guidance, and never promise anyone anything that you have no intention of doing. Treat her fairly and listen to her. Perhaps with a lady who speaks the same language would be easier than understanding me. For that lucky lady, be patient with him, he has a good heart although perhaps he's easily influenced by other things.
Now it comes to Aina and Nabilah. Our two beautiful angels. You should learn to listen to Aina, she misbehaves just to gain attention. She loves both of us too much, but she fears you more rather than me. She fears that you may hate her for following me, she fears that I may not let her visit her favourite granny. Nabilah is well, thank you. Her development and vocabulary has increased drastically since under my care. Despite hating to have to separate them this way, but perhaps it is for their benefit as well as ours. I have yet to receive any premonition to make me think otherwise.
Why am I writing this again? Well perhaps the news of your soon to be matrimony, I find slightly disturbing. Its not that I am still in love with you, I couldn't even hate you because you gave me the gift of our two angels. I question myself why am I reacting this way. Honestly, I am happy that you have found someone to continue the journey of life, hopefully she is the right one. I guess my concern is for Aina, hopefully she can accept this well.
If there is any hard feelings towards me, pray do forgive me. My actions now are consequences of your own stubborness in the past. As I've told you before, do not ire me, for I can be the worst enemy because I never give up in anything I believe in. Whatever in the past is the past, best to be forgiven if not forgotten. Whatever is in the future only God knows. We are only left to live in the present, so live it wisely.
May God guide you in every task.
With love,
Anja.
I have been contemplating over these few weeks whether I would write this entry or not. There is a possibility that you may not even realize the existence of this letter, since apparently your head is busy with other things now. But, for peace of heart and mind I guess I would need to write this for if you know me that well you know that it is one of my outlets to pent up feelings.
Where do I start? We had a wonderful life together, I practically grew in front of your eyes. From the young innocent teenager, to a full blown woman bearing children. We fell in love the first time we laid eyes on each other and I defied all odds just to be with you. Despite my father's wrath and the many scowls that we received in the beginning, perseverance finally led to wedlock. But what went wrong? I've asked myself this question one time too many. Why did the passionate love we had died so sudden? I was so madly in love with you, or perhaps a vision of you, that I sacrificed a little too much.
Blame me for what transpired, yes definitely I blamed myself. I was too keen to shelter you from the hardships of the world that you took all my efforts for granted. I pampered you too much, until you forgot that it was you who was suppose to take care of me not the other way round. Despite my brain telling me that you would not change, my heart refused to believe it. I followed your every whim, hoping that some day you would break loose from your cocoon and spread your wings like a butterfly. But I was wishing on the wrong cocoon. There was no butterfly inside it. And in grief, I had to accept that I was mistaken.
I prayed to God for guidance and this is the guidance he had given me. God is always Almighty, and all merciful. He knew that the longer I stayed with you, the fire burning in me would soon to diminish into embers. He gave me a new purpose in life, one that I am highly grateful for. So despite all the hardships that I will need to go through, I chose to change, as my creator had said that he will not change the fate of anyone unless they make steps to change themselves first. I prayed for the divorced, I got what I wanted, honestly I have never regretted the decision I made. I only regret that what we had did not last as long as we thought it would.
Knowing you extremely well, I prayed to God to grant you a partner that is more suitable to you and one that can ease your heart's suffering of losing me. I guess God has been kind to you, almost immediately your heart was open to a few other girls and the most recent one, I pray she would make you happy. Living with a woman is not so much hell if you could understand them well enough, hopefully what you learnt while we were together would help you fare better in your coming marriage. Just remember to pray for guidance, and never promise anyone anything that you have no intention of doing. Treat her fairly and listen to her. Perhaps with a lady who speaks the same language would be easier than understanding me. For that lucky lady, be patient with him, he has a good heart although perhaps he's easily influenced by other things.
Now it comes to Aina and Nabilah. Our two beautiful angels. You should learn to listen to Aina, she misbehaves just to gain attention. She loves both of us too much, but she fears you more rather than me. She fears that you may hate her for following me, she fears that I may not let her visit her favourite granny. Nabilah is well, thank you. Her development and vocabulary has increased drastically since under my care. Despite hating to have to separate them this way, but perhaps it is for their benefit as well as ours. I have yet to receive any premonition to make me think otherwise.
Why am I writing this again? Well perhaps the news of your soon to be matrimony, I find slightly disturbing. Its not that I am still in love with you, I couldn't even hate you because you gave me the gift of our two angels. I question myself why am I reacting this way. Honestly, I am happy that you have found someone to continue the journey of life, hopefully she is the right one. I guess my concern is for Aina, hopefully she can accept this well.
If there is any hard feelings towards me, pray do forgive me. My actions now are consequences of your own stubborness in the past. As I've told you before, do not ire me, for I can be the worst enemy because I never give up in anything I believe in. Whatever in the past is the past, best to be forgiven if not forgotten. Whatever is in the future only God knows. We are only left to live in the present, so live it wisely.
May God guide you in every task.
With love,
Anja.
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