Priorities.....

I went for lunch with a good friend today and we had an interesting chat. I was curious as to why he was still single after so many years and the one reason that made all sense was priorities. Apparently he had different sets of priorities that most women find difficult to understand. I guess everyone has their own priorities in life.
Actually its dangerous when two people decide to start a relationship but each have different priorities. Yeah, I had to learn it the hard way. When I was younger, I was incredibly intelligent, hyperactive, stubborn and rebellious. I wanted things done my way because I was extremely confident that my way would definitely work because it was my way. But, we live in a world full of other human beings, definitely we could not have everything our way.
So I guess God decided to teach me humility, the hard way. I was married to my boyfriend of 4 years. I knew him since I was 17. He was a nice guy, perhaps a bit young when we married, and he loved me a lot. But there was just one big problem. Our priorities were different. His priorities in life was very simple. Have a job, get a wife and have kids. He didn't define it more than that, plus he did not understood me then, nor does he understand me now. My priorities were a bit more complex. Coming from a family of high achievers, I wanted more than just being married and have kids. I told him that I wanted to upgrade my standard of living to the next level for the children - with hope that the subsequent generation would continue my effort so that our family would be in a higher social class by the end of it.
But he couldn't and wouldn't understand it. I pursued my studies until I completed my degree, then I started working. I had high dreams of specializing early, going off to do my masters in pediatrics and writing clinical papers and gain recognition in my social world. I was known as an efficient doctor, I received 2 offers for early masters program which I turned down because of the rift in my marriage. My priority then was to be a good doctor, earn my specialization and at the same time be a good wife and mother to my child. Unfortunately, how do you become a good wife if you have a bad husband? A husband that does not realize that he was leeching on your every good will that you start to hate yourself for being a good person. Everything you did was never good enough, but everything he did was not flawed even though he did not fulfill his responsibilities as a husband not only to you, but to God. After awhile you get fed up of trying to please everyone else, you just want to please yourself. So I prayed to God to give me some light, I was already on the verge of suicide because life seemed hopeless. Then I started thinking, perhaps I didn't love God enough that my life was so unhappy, so I prayed and prayed, and finally God gave me a way and I initiated the divorce. I got out from the chasm that was sucking away all my dreams. For a very long time, I was finally happy. God taught me a big lesson in humility and patience which I am grateful for. I guess the saying is true, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Yups, exactly.
It must be weird to be the 'happiest divorced person alive' (my bffs call me that), but I was truly happy. I was not afraid because I believe that God was on my side, although sometimes I may be a bit naughty or caught up with things of the world.
Now 2 years after my separation and divorce, I know exactly what I want in life. My priorities are quite the same, only the approach is different. I still want to specialize in something - but now its more of aesthetics and skin. I want to improve my social status - which I have. I want to be a good mother to my kids - eventhough I only have one child now, but I'm doing my best for her. I make it a point to listen to her everyday, and try not to get too absorbed with my work. Yes, I do plan to get a husband - but its mainly for companionship reasons. Not security, not money, not kids, not sex (okay perhaps part of it is sex, I'm no angel), not anything material in this world. Just someone I could spend the rest of my life with in peace, bring me nearer to God because a husband would help curb a lot of sinful tendencies. But it wouldn't be now because I haven't yet achieved the financial freedom and the other things I want to do in life. Maybe another year, maybe two, maybe four, maybe ten. The important part of the formula is the right guy with the right attitude. Well, I'll leave that decision to God since he knows whats best for me. Maybe he's just around the corner, who knows.