It has been a very testing month for me despite October being my most favorite month.
God is certainly testing my patience and at some point I begin to question why? I know its blashphemous but I am just human. Being human too means that I have my limitations.
Its been a very exhausting and emotionally draining month for me. I seem to be losing so many things in the past month. I lost some money, I lost my phone, I lost the guy I love who happens to be a close friend so I've lost a friend too and now I lost one of my most prized assets just because of some mix up. It'll settle on Monday hopefully.
On top of that, I'm still juggling negotiations to secure external funds for my business and this month has proved to be such a disappointment. Not to mention me falling sick with a stuffy nose and a super husky voice for the past 3 days. Not even my super vitamins can keep ailments at bay. My God, sometimes I feel like I'm jinxed.
Yesterday I came home late. I was listening to Alicia Keys on the radio, "Some people want diamond rings, some just want everything, but everything means nothing, if I ain't got you......" Suddenly I realized tears were dripping down my cheeks. I guess I still miss my close friend who actually broke my heart, not because he decided to marry another woman, but rather because he decided not to be friends with me anymore. I just felt so sad to have to forget a person that I have known so well, for the past two years, someone who share his future ideations and opinions with me, so suddenly. Its a bit impossible to grasp why. Although I know that its not my choice to make, but sometimes I do wonder whether was it any of my fault that contributed to all this? The lack of explanations leaves so many question marks. Despite everybody telling me to shake it off and that he is an asshole and a jerk for treating me this way, and that he doesn't deserve my friendship and that karma will get back at him - oh well, anyone who really knew me would know that I only see the goodness in people.
So I went home today, whipped up a quick dinner for Nabilah to take away, and watched Oprah on the telly. I've always loved Oprah because she's such a power lady and I often told myself that when I grow up I want to be just like her. Well, I am gaining bits and pieces of it - I understand people well, I can communicate and listen well, I love kids and animals, I get involved in humanitarian work, I support breast cancer awareness, I support women organizations, and I try my best to help other people. Watching her show today lifted my spirits a bit. So I decided to send a thank you email to Oprah today. I wonder whether I'll get a reply.
Well its another weekend alone at home. The current events has forced me to stay home this weekend. Oh well, on the good side, perhaps I'll get that much needed rest I've been postponing.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
2 weeks to go......
Its another hectic week in the clinic as we race towards hitting our sales target. I think I've gotten most of myself back. Juggling between clinic work and my side jobs, business networking negotiations and my kids it looks like I have a lot on my plate already.
I received a call yesterday asking my confirmation to join the relief mission in Padang. There was still a lot of things to do to help the injured and sooth the people after the earth quake. I have postponed the trip to the very last mission, so I guess I'll be packing my bags and going on the 14th till 21st. No, its not because I was frustrated that I signed up for a relief mission - I may be a drama queen at times, but even that sounds too dramatic for me. I have been with this organization since my houseman days, contributing my knowledge, energy and time because initially there were too few doctors on board. Everyone was too excited to join MERCY. I decided to go with the smaller fish and contribute more. It was more fulfilling. Yes, maybe we lack the glamour, but humanitarian work is not about being in the spotlight. Its more of helping people in need. And being a doctor, I believe that my services are not just for what I do in the day to day basis, but also in times of emergency like this. Although this is the first time I am able to join oversea expedites. Previously I was either strung with calls or was in no shape to travel due to child birth and lactating. I just pray that there will be no more earth quakes, especially when I am there. It would be a disaster to be stranded in another country with natural disasters around you. Perhaps tomorrow is a test of my knowledge since I'll be taking care of Al-Islam ED for one day for Dr Azwan. I wonder how he is faring in Padang?
To all my friends, pray for my safety and my return. To anyone that I wronged or may have harboured any ill feelings towards me due to any of my words or actions, forgive me, in case I don't come back. I'm putting my faith in God to guide me while I am there. I will definitely miss my two angels and will definitely try to return safely as I went.
I have yet to break the news to my dad. I did hinted once, he was quite reluctant. Well, hopefully I get my blackberry before I go. Then at least he can text me everyday if he worries.
Just another 2 weeks and I'll be on a plane to Padang where a natural disaster has just occurred. I guess its worst than going for Haj or Umrah, I'll be exposed to a million and one types of illness and diseases, which I pray I have enough strength to overcome. Luckily lodging and food is provided but being a person with a fairly sensitive stomach I better get my own medic kit ready before I go.
Its late, I have to go home already. Praying for a better tomorrow. I guess nowadays that is what I spend most of my free time with. Praying to God to heal my heart, praying to God to guide me, praying to God to give me strength to solve my problems, and praying to God to remain as one of his loyal subjects.
Oh.. I need to contact my insurance agent before I go... just in case.
I received a call yesterday asking my confirmation to join the relief mission in Padang. There was still a lot of things to do to help the injured and sooth the people after the earth quake. I have postponed the trip to the very last mission, so I guess I'll be packing my bags and going on the 14th till 21st. No, its not because I was frustrated that I signed up for a relief mission - I may be a drama queen at times, but even that sounds too dramatic for me. I have been with this organization since my houseman days, contributing my knowledge, energy and time because initially there were too few doctors on board. Everyone was too excited to join MERCY. I decided to go with the smaller fish and contribute more. It was more fulfilling. Yes, maybe we lack the glamour, but humanitarian work is not about being in the spotlight. Its more of helping people in need. And being a doctor, I believe that my services are not just for what I do in the day to day basis, but also in times of emergency like this. Although this is the first time I am able to join oversea expedites. Previously I was either strung with calls or was in no shape to travel due to child birth and lactating. I just pray that there will be no more earth quakes, especially when I am there. It would be a disaster to be stranded in another country with natural disasters around you. Perhaps tomorrow is a test of my knowledge since I'll be taking care of Al-Islam ED for one day for Dr Azwan. I wonder how he is faring in Padang?
To all my friends, pray for my safety and my return. To anyone that I wronged or may have harboured any ill feelings towards me due to any of my words or actions, forgive me, in case I don't come back. I'm putting my faith in God to guide me while I am there. I will definitely miss my two angels and will definitely try to return safely as I went.
I have yet to break the news to my dad. I did hinted once, he was quite reluctant. Well, hopefully I get my blackberry before I go. Then at least he can text me everyday if he worries.
Just another 2 weeks and I'll be on a plane to Padang where a natural disaster has just occurred. I guess its worst than going for Haj or Umrah, I'll be exposed to a million and one types of illness and diseases, which I pray I have enough strength to overcome. Luckily lodging and food is provided but being a person with a fairly sensitive stomach I better get my own medic kit ready before I go.
Its late, I have to go home already. Praying for a better tomorrow. I guess nowadays that is what I spend most of my free time with. Praying to God to heal my heart, praying to God to guide me, praying to God to give me strength to solve my problems, and praying to God to remain as one of his loyal subjects.
Oh.. I need to contact my insurance agent before I go... just in case.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Perspectives.....
I have kept myself very busy lately with a lot of external activities from my clinic. Partly was because I am bracing myself for yet another month of minimal salary just to purge my business through, partly due to the recent events that has caused myself a lot of emotional stress.
God is fair, I remind myself everyday. In the absence of my full payroll, he has given chance to other sources of income to help me get through the month. I now find myself sitting as a private consultant on beautician training panel for the country, offering my expertise as an aesthetic doctor as well as my experience in government works. We are working up a new syllabus for beauticians, and since I'm already in, they have to call me in for each and every discussion. Tiring, but at least I know that I am doing all I can to sustain my family, besides contributing to the nation. This Wednesday I will be helping out my friend Dr Azwan as a full day locum at Hospital Al-Islam in Kampung Baru. I have never really been involved in ED work, although I spent a lot of time there during my specialty calls. The pay is not as much as consulting work but at least I get to brush up on my clinical and emergency skills, just pray that I'm not as Jonah there than when I was working full time in the government. Yet, you never know. As my sister always say, " With Adik there is never a dull moment."
Last weekend, I was involved with NOSS meeting for 2 days finishing on Saturday night at around 8. I had room reservations in Genting on Saturday night because I promised my best friend Farah to join her at the peak. I reached home at 9.30pm, tired as hell. My kids were waiting expectantly for me to return. I really just wanted to go up and sleep, but it was their weekend with me, I felt I owed them some private time. So by 10pm, I packed everyone into the car, left my maid at home alone and drove to the nearby convenient store to stock up on some supplies. I started my journey at 10.30 pm, and reached the top 10 minutes after 11. The whole Genting was packed with people, that parking was crazy. Aina looked at me and said "Wow, so many people, no wonder KL is empty. They are all up here." We shared a room with Farah and her hubby and son. Managed to get 2 hours of sleep, and the next day, I took my babies on the indoor rides. It was all fogged up outside. It was exhausting but fun, I'll upload the pictures into facebook later.
We drove down at 5 and reached KL before 6. I was really craving for my coffee already. My angels were asleep already and I had no radio (I left it in Farah's car). We reached home and I fell asleep until almost 8, when my girls came jumping on the bed. "Mummy, we're hungry."
Groggy from exhaustion and lack of sleep, I quickly showered, do my prayers, and pack all my kids into the car. Both wanted Chili's, so we went to KLCC for dinner. Its been a long time since I had both of them for Chilli's. They loved it, definitely.
Despite spending only 24+ hours with Aina, we talked more this time. She was telling me about having to follow her dad and family to Nilai 3 to look for bunga telur. I asked her casually when the big day is, but her father never told her the precise date. She kept asking whether she could come live with me if her dad got married. Being as diplomatic as I could, I told her it was her call and that is something she must discuss with her father and only if he agrees, then I'll talk to him about it. Its not that I don't want my daughter to live with me, but the pain of going up and down court for 2 years and having to separate them at the end was still fresh. Plus, I have agreed that Aina was my ex-'s responsibility, so he should make the call not me.
She also broached the subject of her dad telling her to call his new wife 'Mami'. The problem is, both my kids call me Mama and Mummy - depending on their mood. She doesn't want to call her 'Mami' because to her, she already has a mum which is me. I told her to discuss it with her dad, try to come to a proper consensus. Inside, I was cursing my ex with so many different languages. Could he at least be a bit more sensitive to my child's feelings? Aina is already 7, she is not dumb. The least you can do is to tell her nicely that you are remarrying, discuss with her that there will be a new woman living in the house, and ask her what she feels suitable for her to call the new lady, and negotiate intelligently. She's a child, not a pet. Don't treat her as if she doesn't understand what's going on. Nabilah is different because she is young and still unable to grasp the events happening.
In this situation, I completely differ from a lot of other people. If it was me marrying again, I told Aina simply, I wouldn't tell you what you should call my husband. You would have to decide, based on what you are comfortable with as long as it is a respectful nickname. My father never imposed on us to call his wife mum. We all call her Lela and she is happier at that.
My concept is very simple. I realize I am a woman with 2 children. Despite whatever I do, they will always be my children with my ex-husband. If a guy were smart enough to want me to be their companion in life, I wouldn't impose to him to be father to my 2 existing daughters. Instant fatherhood is stressful especially when they are not of your own. I won't expect the guy to do anything for my kids. I would cater for them myself as I have already done all this while. If he wants to be a father, then by all means, yeah let's start producing some of our own. I am highly fertile. If he feels that he wants to treat my children as his own daughters, by all means. But its okay if he just wants to be like an uncle. I'm confident I can do this because I don't really need a man in the first place. I'm well equipped to trudge along on my own. The only thing a man can add to my life is sex and more kids, if he wants to. Companionship is a bonus.
I know a lot of people may not agree on my opinion, but there is nothing in the Holy Book that says if your dad remarries you have to call his wife 'mother'. That is all culture. I will not be a lesser person if I do not uphold certain cultures. But that is just me, unique.
God is fair, I remind myself everyday. In the absence of my full payroll, he has given chance to other sources of income to help me get through the month. I now find myself sitting as a private consultant on beautician training panel for the country, offering my expertise as an aesthetic doctor as well as my experience in government works. We are working up a new syllabus for beauticians, and since I'm already in, they have to call me in for each and every discussion. Tiring, but at least I know that I am doing all I can to sustain my family, besides contributing to the nation. This Wednesday I will be helping out my friend Dr Azwan as a full day locum at Hospital Al-Islam in Kampung Baru. I have never really been involved in ED work, although I spent a lot of time there during my specialty calls. The pay is not as much as consulting work but at least I get to brush up on my clinical and emergency skills, just pray that I'm not as Jonah there than when I was working full time in the government. Yet, you never know. As my sister always say, " With Adik there is never a dull moment."
Last weekend, I was involved with NOSS meeting for 2 days finishing on Saturday night at around 8. I had room reservations in Genting on Saturday night because I promised my best friend Farah to join her at the peak. I reached home at 9.30pm, tired as hell. My kids were waiting expectantly for me to return. I really just wanted to go up and sleep, but it was their weekend with me, I felt I owed them some private time. So by 10pm, I packed everyone into the car, left my maid at home alone and drove to the nearby convenient store to stock up on some supplies. I started my journey at 10.30 pm, and reached the top 10 minutes after 11. The whole Genting was packed with people, that parking was crazy. Aina looked at me and said "Wow, so many people, no wonder KL is empty. They are all up here." We shared a room with Farah and her hubby and son. Managed to get 2 hours of sleep, and the next day, I took my babies on the indoor rides. It was all fogged up outside. It was exhausting but fun, I'll upload the pictures into facebook later.
We drove down at 5 and reached KL before 6. I was really craving for my coffee already. My angels were asleep already and I had no radio (I left it in Farah's car). We reached home and I fell asleep until almost 8, when my girls came jumping on the bed. "Mummy, we're hungry."
Groggy from exhaustion and lack of sleep, I quickly showered, do my prayers, and pack all my kids into the car. Both wanted Chili's, so we went to KLCC for dinner. Its been a long time since I had both of them for Chilli's. They loved it, definitely.
Despite spending only 24+ hours with Aina, we talked more this time. She was telling me about having to follow her dad and family to Nilai 3 to look for bunga telur. I asked her casually when the big day is, but her father never told her the precise date. She kept asking whether she could come live with me if her dad got married. Being as diplomatic as I could, I told her it was her call and that is something she must discuss with her father and only if he agrees, then I'll talk to him about it. Its not that I don't want my daughter to live with me, but the pain of going up and down court for 2 years and having to separate them at the end was still fresh. Plus, I have agreed that Aina was my ex-'s responsibility, so he should make the call not me.
She also broached the subject of her dad telling her to call his new wife 'Mami'. The problem is, both my kids call me Mama and Mummy - depending on their mood. She doesn't want to call her 'Mami' because to her, she already has a mum which is me. I told her to discuss it with her dad, try to come to a proper consensus. Inside, I was cursing my ex with so many different languages. Could he at least be a bit more sensitive to my child's feelings? Aina is already 7, she is not dumb. The least you can do is to tell her nicely that you are remarrying, discuss with her that there will be a new woman living in the house, and ask her what she feels suitable for her to call the new lady, and negotiate intelligently. She's a child, not a pet. Don't treat her as if she doesn't understand what's going on. Nabilah is different because she is young and still unable to grasp the events happening.
In this situation, I completely differ from a lot of other people. If it was me marrying again, I told Aina simply, I wouldn't tell you what you should call my husband. You would have to decide, based on what you are comfortable with as long as it is a respectful nickname. My father never imposed on us to call his wife mum. We all call her Lela and she is happier at that.
My concept is very simple. I realize I am a woman with 2 children. Despite whatever I do, they will always be my children with my ex-husband. If a guy were smart enough to want me to be their companion in life, I wouldn't impose to him to be father to my 2 existing daughters. Instant fatherhood is stressful especially when they are not of your own. I won't expect the guy to do anything for my kids. I would cater for them myself as I have already done all this while. If he wants to be a father, then by all means, yeah let's start producing some of our own. I am highly fertile. If he feels that he wants to treat my children as his own daughters, by all means. But its okay if he just wants to be like an uncle. I'm confident I can do this because I don't really need a man in the first place. I'm well equipped to trudge along on my own. The only thing a man can add to my life is sex and more kids, if he wants to. Companionship is a bonus.
I know a lot of people may not agree on my opinion, but there is nothing in the Holy Book that says if your dad remarries you have to call his wife 'mother'. That is all culture. I will not be a lesser person if I do not uphold certain cultures. But that is just me, unique.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Birthday 2009 Wrap Up........
Its another birthday, another year, yet I still feel 18. Okay perhaps this year I aged a bit so 21. Its a quiet birthday this year, unlike the years prior. But quiet as it seems, I still received 3 cakes on my birthday, a minimum quota for every year.
The reason for the lack of enthusiasm for celebrating the most important day of my life has a lot to do with the internal frustrations I face everyday related to the Company. Sometimes I feel that I've tried my best, but there are times I feel like I'm not doing enough.Its frustrating when people promise you pearls and diamonds but gives dust instead, its highly stressful when you need to renegotiate everything under the sun. I guess for the average person, you would easily succumb into depression and give up.
I think I was going through a phase of depression for the past 3 months now. Getting out of bed was becoming a more difficult task day by day. I just have to keep telling myself that I won't accomplish anything lying down. And to top all the unfortunate events, I lose the one guy that could make me smile even if my whole world was collapsing around me. Crazy as it seems, his actions actually pushed me into a better perspective. I feel more down to earth, facing reality as how it is and not how I want it to be. Painful, but a lesson important to learn. With a heart bruised, I guess I succumb myself more deeply into my work which is now my first and utmost priority. At least I need not worry about other distractions for the moment.
Every night I pray for guidance from God, guidance to settle the issues surrounding the Company because I fear I may not have the stamina to trudge on anymore, guidance to reorganize my life, guidance to my heart. Sometimes I wonder which ails me more, the Company issues, or the internal issues. Regardless, I pray everything settles as it should, so that I can continue with whatever God has planned for me to do in this world.
Its my birthday, I should rejoice that God still allows me to walk this world with good health. The month is not over yet, let's pray for good things to come.
The reason for the lack of enthusiasm for celebrating the most important day of my life has a lot to do with the internal frustrations I face everyday related to the Company. Sometimes I feel that I've tried my best, but there are times I feel like I'm not doing enough.Its frustrating when people promise you pearls and diamonds but gives dust instead, its highly stressful when you need to renegotiate everything under the sun. I guess for the average person, you would easily succumb into depression and give up.
I think I was going through a phase of depression for the past 3 months now. Getting out of bed was becoming a more difficult task day by day. I just have to keep telling myself that I won't accomplish anything lying down. And to top all the unfortunate events, I lose the one guy that could make me smile even if my whole world was collapsing around me. Crazy as it seems, his actions actually pushed me into a better perspective. I feel more down to earth, facing reality as how it is and not how I want it to be. Painful, but a lesson important to learn. With a heart bruised, I guess I succumb myself more deeply into my work which is now my first and utmost priority. At least I need not worry about other distractions for the moment.
Every night I pray for guidance from God, guidance to settle the issues surrounding the Company because I fear I may not have the stamina to trudge on anymore, guidance to reorganize my life, guidance to my heart. Sometimes I wonder which ails me more, the Company issues, or the internal issues. Regardless, I pray everything settles as it should, so that I can continue with whatever God has planned for me to do in this world.
Its my birthday, I should rejoice that God still allows me to walk this world with good health. The month is not over yet, let's pray for good things to come.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
2009 Birthday Resolution
In view of another completed year that God has granted me this life, it is an honour to be who I am now, as God has made me in all His greatness, that I would pledge to the following:
1. Be a better Muslim for the year to come and keep God as my first and foremost lover.
2. Take good care of myself - in terms of physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health.
3. I will work hard for the success of my business and expansion of the Company.
4. I will not neglect my studies and will strive to improve my knowledge and skill.
5. I will not neglect my medical knowledge and will serve the society in any way possible when needed.
6. I will manage my finances better this year and avoid unnecessary spending and handle my debts wisely.
7. I will love and respect my dad because I only have one parent left in the world, and so I should be kind and gentle to him despite whatever transpired before.
8. I will be a better mum to both my children.
9. I will be a better friend to all that regards me as their friend.
10. I will not let a guy trample on my self confidence ever, nor will I bare my heart to be thrashed by a man ever again. If God wills it that a guy should be interested to be committed to me, then pray he has the patience to accept me as how I am. No more Miss Nice Girl.
Happy birthday to me a.k.a Manja a.k.a Maroqx a.k.a Meira a.k.a Marr a.k.a bad grunge girl with the good attitude but bad reputation. Forever 18.
1. Be a better Muslim for the year to come and keep God as my first and foremost lover.
2. Take good care of myself - in terms of physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health.
3. I will work hard for the success of my business and expansion of the Company.
4. I will not neglect my studies and will strive to improve my knowledge and skill.
5. I will not neglect my medical knowledge and will serve the society in any way possible when needed.
6. I will manage my finances better this year and avoid unnecessary spending and handle my debts wisely.
7. I will love and respect my dad because I only have one parent left in the world, and so I should be kind and gentle to him despite whatever transpired before.
8. I will be a better mum to both my children.
9. I will be a better friend to all that regards me as their friend.
10. I will not let a guy trample on my self confidence ever, nor will I bare my heart to be thrashed by a man ever again. If God wills it that a guy should be interested to be committed to me, then pray he has the patience to accept me as how I am. No more Miss Nice Girl.
Happy birthday to me a.k.a Manja a.k.a Maroqx a.k.a Meira a.k.a Marr a.k.a bad grunge girl with the good attitude but bad reputation. Forever 18.
Eve of my birthday............
It is the eve of my birthday and I have just returned from a nice coffee and cake treat courtesy of Miss Haze.... Thanks babe... first cake and birthday song for the year. Really appreciate it.
Prior to that I was in Bukit Kiara cemetery paying homage to my late mother. It is my 10th birthday without her and as the years goes by, it doesn't seem to be any easier for me. I told her about the things happening in my life, the good things, the upsetting stuff, well I know some may think its blasphemous to talk to a tombstone, but its where I feel her closest, and somehow I believe she does listen - perhaps not as bothered. I really missed her so much, just 29 years ago I was still in her womb just about to come out the next day. I felt like a little child once more, hugging a memory that is so old. I still remember how she smiled, her voice, her style, her cooking. I remembered the time when she was sick, and the time I was called to the hospital at 5 am where she expired. The look on her face as I bathed her and kissed her forehead the very last time before escorting her body to the cemetery. Its been almost 10 years, but the memory is still so vivid, it felt like yesterday. I wept. I wished I could still hug and kiss her, and tell her how much I loved her - but I knew that it was already her time, so God must take her. Because she was taken from me, which is what made me stronger, if not I'd still be a spoilt rich brat. Perhaps my life would have been so much different?
Despite all the wistful thinking, I think if given a chance, I wouldn't change a thing. I wouldn't be who I am now if not for the things that happened in the past. Everything that happened, happened for a reason. It is up to ourselves to learn and understand what God wanted us to learn.
It will be my birthday soon, a start of a new year for my life. I get so excited going through each and every one because I know with every birthday, there is renewed confidence, renewed love and renewed character. I'm a better person every time my birthday comes around and I'm proud of being who I am. It is an incredible milestone compared to years before.
Thinking back compared to last year, despite the lack of crazy festivities, I think I have grown a bit wiser than last year and overall I am a lot happier than before. Yes, I may have broken my heart on a guy who took me for granted, but honestly, I'm really cool about it now. I have my closure, despite not able to meet him face to face, but I suddenly realized that God have better things installed for me in life, to waste my time on a man who doesn't even realize half my worth. Only an idiot would turn down a wonderful, beautiful, successful, sexy and intelligent woman like me. God loves me enough to not let me be owned by a man who would not be able to appreciate the goodness in me. The right one will come definitely. Lets see where the story goes.....
So sleepy... need to take my beauty sleep..... tomorrow is the most important day of the year. My birthday.
Prior to that I was in Bukit Kiara cemetery paying homage to my late mother. It is my 10th birthday without her and as the years goes by, it doesn't seem to be any easier for me. I told her about the things happening in my life, the good things, the upsetting stuff, well I know some may think its blasphemous to talk to a tombstone, but its where I feel her closest, and somehow I believe she does listen - perhaps not as bothered. I really missed her so much, just 29 years ago I was still in her womb just about to come out the next day. I felt like a little child once more, hugging a memory that is so old. I still remember how she smiled, her voice, her style, her cooking. I remembered the time when she was sick, and the time I was called to the hospital at 5 am where she expired. The look on her face as I bathed her and kissed her forehead the very last time before escorting her body to the cemetery. Its been almost 10 years, but the memory is still so vivid, it felt like yesterday. I wept. I wished I could still hug and kiss her, and tell her how much I loved her - but I knew that it was already her time, so God must take her. Because she was taken from me, which is what made me stronger, if not I'd still be a spoilt rich brat. Perhaps my life would have been so much different?
Despite all the wistful thinking, I think if given a chance, I wouldn't change a thing. I wouldn't be who I am now if not for the things that happened in the past. Everything that happened, happened for a reason. It is up to ourselves to learn and understand what God wanted us to learn.
It will be my birthday soon, a start of a new year for my life. I get so excited going through each and every one because I know with every birthday, there is renewed confidence, renewed love and renewed character. I'm a better person every time my birthday comes around and I'm proud of being who I am. It is an incredible milestone compared to years before.
Thinking back compared to last year, despite the lack of crazy festivities, I think I have grown a bit wiser than last year and overall I am a lot happier than before. Yes, I may have broken my heart on a guy who took me for granted, but honestly, I'm really cool about it now. I have my closure, despite not able to meet him face to face, but I suddenly realized that God have better things installed for me in life, to waste my time on a man who doesn't even realize half my worth. Only an idiot would turn down a wonderful, beautiful, successful, sexy and intelligent woman like me. God loves me enough to not let me be owned by a man who would not be able to appreciate the goodness in me. The right one will come definitely. Lets see where the story goes.....
So sleepy... need to take my beauty sleep..... tomorrow is the most important day of the year. My birthday.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Daddy... you are always the best......
I have been feeling really down lately but perhaps now I think I've gotten through most of it. If some may have noticed, I have deleted a few of my blog postings which I think were a bit inappropriate after an after thought. Sorry for those who felt insulted by any of my writings. I am moody after all.
Today is a start of a new week and I'm trudging every day as it goes. So many unresolved issues related to my business actually driving me up the wall. My recent frustration actually jacked up my stress level to the max. Its not easy, being me, but I know I'll pull through, God promised that, and I believe it.
So today I suddenly had the urge to have coffee with my dad. I missed him actually, its been two weeks since our last encounter. It started as our usual meetings where I would brief the company's progress, since he is after all the current chairman. I told him about my intention of adding an investor partner to hold maximum 20% to allow more room for enhancement. He agreed but strictly reminding me not to be conned again by lame promises. I just smiled. He worries about me constantly. Then we moved on to other dealings of business. And then finally to more personal topics.
WE talked about my youngest sister and I apologized to him for making him having to send her all the way to Malacca the last time. He said it was okay, but she did cross the line so she understood. He worries about my health, but if happy that I shed of a few pounds. "You look better now, except those eye bags. Do get more rest".
I asked him whether he knew about my personal frustrations. Well obviously, since my sister tells him everything. "I won't ask you about your personal relationships Adik. I know about what happened, but you're a big girl. You know how to handle it. Its normal to be sad, its human nature, but after awhile you'll be okay. Its just that I don't like people treating my daughter that way. You deserve better. Besides, you have more important things to think about. Focus on stabilizing your business." Well, its nice to hear kind words from my dad. I guess I needed to hear it from him too. I just told him that if God wills it to be then it will be, if not, then I'll just have to wait for another. Besides, if a guy can't realize how good I am for him, perhaps he is not meant for me after all.
I promised myself long ago that I will not let any man bring me down. I also have a deal with my dad that if any serious suitors come around, they'll have to be interviewed and grilled by him first before anything. Oh well, its a long way to go.
Right now I have a renewed confidence of getting my company into full throttle. Hopefully tomorrow harbours a better outcome to the question sin my head. Amen.
Today is a start of a new week and I'm trudging every day as it goes. So many unresolved issues related to my business actually driving me up the wall. My recent frustration actually jacked up my stress level to the max. Its not easy, being me, but I know I'll pull through, God promised that, and I believe it.
So today I suddenly had the urge to have coffee with my dad. I missed him actually, its been two weeks since our last encounter. It started as our usual meetings where I would brief the company's progress, since he is after all the current chairman. I told him about my intention of adding an investor partner to hold maximum 20% to allow more room for enhancement. He agreed but strictly reminding me not to be conned again by lame promises. I just smiled. He worries about me constantly. Then we moved on to other dealings of business. And then finally to more personal topics.
WE talked about my youngest sister and I apologized to him for making him having to send her all the way to Malacca the last time. He said it was okay, but she did cross the line so she understood. He worries about my health, but if happy that I shed of a few pounds. "You look better now, except those eye bags. Do get more rest".
I asked him whether he knew about my personal frustrations. Well obviously, since my sister tells him everything. "I won't ask you about your personal relationships Adik. I know about what happened, but you're a big girl. You know how to handle it. Its normal to be sad, its human nature, but after awhile you'll be okay. Its just that I don't like people treating my daughter that way. You deserve better. Besides, you have more important things to think about. Focus on stabilizing your business." Well, its nice to hear kind words from my dad. I guess I needed to hear it from him too. I just told him that if God wills it to be then it will be, if not, then I'll just have to wait for another. Besides, if a guy can't realize how good I am for him, perhaps he is not meant for me after all.
I promised myself long ago that I will not let any man bring me down. I also have a deal with my dad that if any serious suitors come around, they'll have to be interviewed and grilled by him first before anything. Oh well, its a long way to go.
Right now I have a renewed confidence of getting my company into full throttle. Hopefully tomorrow harbours a better outcome to the question sin my head. Amen.
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