I'm just tired....

Have you ever come to one point of your life where you just feel so tired that you just want to not do anything until the lethargy passes?

I guess I am exhausted - physically, mentally, emotionally tired. Its hard when you are on your own doing so many things, and you don't really have anybody you can confide in that would understand you. Or for the better part just listen - or even if you don't feel like talking, just to hold you, so that you don't feel so alone in the world. So that you realize that there is someone to turn to, someone who actually cares.

Sometimes I envy other people who have very simple and easy lives, sometimes I question God when will all my drama end? When will I be able to settle down and lead a proper stable life? I'm barely reaching 30, but I feel like I've lived almost 60 years on this planet. I'm tired of the things I have to go through everyday, I'm bored of doing things alone.

2 years of singlehood, it is actually quite a task to live alone again. Like I always tell my single friends, you cannot miss what you never had. Unfortunately, I had it all but it disappeared. Now perhaps I am self-sabotaging myself by putting such high standards for a to-be partner and aiming for unrealistic goals.

A lot of guys tell me I am highly attractive and I would have no problem in getting a new mate. But would there be one who is willing to sacrifice himself for my happiness? Someone that would keep me smiling despite all the crisis I have to face and go through, somebody who would love to spend time with me without trying to get me to have sex with him. Someone who does not calculate the minutes of our conversations, and understands that I am an expressive being which needs to express herself and not ignore me. I don't want a man 24 hours by my side, but at least to understand that I am just human, and I need emotional support.

I'm tired of looking or even trying anymore. I guess if someone really likes me or loves me, he would definitely say so and get straight to the point. Love is suppose to be unconditioned, lust on the other hand needs plenty of rules to not get out of hand.

Honestly, I don't know what is really bothering me now. Maybe i just need to rest. I'm so tired.