When I look upon my life now and I compare it to what I had 5 years ago, well I guess I must be in better shape. I have two beautiful, intelligent daughters, despite their head-strong stubborness (fine, it runs in the genes) they are completely amiable. I have two retail outlets, one an exclusive aesthetic setup in a prestigious shopping mall, another a food outlet that still has room for imagination and expansion. I have made peace with my step mum, and most my siblings. I am left with only 2 more cards to kill, and I'm sorting out my finances. I already have my own personal life insurance, and I no longer binge shop like I use to. I am closer to God as my faith is unquestionable, and I am more patient handling situations, my emotions no longer so haywire.
So why am I still awake at this time of night? Despite having everything, I still feel my life is missing an important part. Initially I thought it was a man. Yes, it would be nice to have someone to cuddle and love and hug and kiss everyday without sinning but I'm too busy to even have time to search for a right candidate let alone even attempt to be in a relationship that is definitely going to fail unless the guy doesn't mind me not calling, or not spending time with him or just ignoring him completely for days in a row. I have devoted myself to my businesses and to achieve professionalism. I'm actually grateful I am not attached to anyone. Less explaining, less fighting, less distractions.
Then why do I feel that my life is still inadequate? What is it that I need to make the journey a lot sunnier? A question that I ponder constantly. This is ridiculous. Its like waking up to look at the mirror and see someone familiar, but not quite you. Its like walking in a dream. I guess the answer lies with God, only he knows. Perhaps i just need to ask him properly. Then, maybe he'll give me the answer. Amen.
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