I am upset. Yes, finally I have come to admit that I really am. And why shouldn't I be? Too many things planned for more than half a year have been washed down the drain by incompetence. But that is besides the point. The fact that I am upset and its taking quite awhile to get through bothers me a lot.
Not many people can tell if I am upset or going through a hard time. I smile everyday and I look so carefree. Perhaps the only giveaway is the slimmer look but even that, most believe that I'm trying out a new diet regime for my clinic. But I know I'm upset. There are a lot of things I stopped doing, not because I can't, but I lost the lust for it. I stopped running every morning - its been 3 weeks since my last jog. I blamed the weather but I know its me. Without my usual adrenaline rush work-out, my energy level for the day dwindles. I barely do my routine 60 sit ups and my balancing exercises that keeps my body well-toned. I take day time naps which is unusual for me, and I barely sleep through the night without disturbance. The longest sleep period would be 6 hours (if I manage to get it that is). I barely eat. Its not that I'm not hungry, but I don't crave anything like I normally do. Usually I'm the one with the weird ideas of food delicacies and nowadays I hear myself saying whatever because I doubt I'd eat much. I lost another kilo this week unintentionally. And then I start going on a coffee binge. People seriously believe its because I'm addicted to coffee, partly yes and partly no. I know I'm not pregnant, because usually if I overdose myself with coffee its one of 2 things pregnancy or stress. Luckily I still enjoy the company of my angels, although too much of them gives me a headache.
I spend most of my time in my office. Doing research and writing up proposals. I know I'm upset because there is no drive to complete the blimey proposals which usually would take me 2 days the most. The sweet sound of the live band playing gives a soothing inspiration. Even writing on my blog seems a hard task, when writing is like a second nature to me. 3 weeks of low mood, if Stephen finds out he'll be suggesting another course of sweets to me and that to me is definitely a No No.
I have the whole world in front of me. There are many doors of opportunities that is within my reach. Really have to snap out of it. Too many people depend on me, because I am a rainmaker and if the rainmaker stops making rain? Maybe what I need is a shoulder to cry on - perhaps just someone to let it all out. Unfortunately most people I know will not have the capability of understanding what goes through my head, let alone cope with the emotional outburst that might happen. A lot of people believe I am superwoman - a single mum, a doctor, a business woman, a socialite, a strategist, a planner - but they forget, beneath it all I am just human.
Dear God, make me snap out of this fast. I need all parts of my brain and my heart to make what I plan to do work. Amen.
Not many people can tell if I am upset or going through a hard time. I smile everyday and I look so carefree. Perhaps the only giveaway is the slimmer look but even that, most believe that I'm trying out a new diet regime for my clinic. But I know I'm upset. There are a lot of things I stopped doing, not because I can't, but I lost the lust for it. I stopped running every morning - its been 3 weeks since my last jog. I blamed the weather but I know its me. Without my usual adrenaline rush work-out, my energy level for the day dwindles. I barely do my routine 60 sit ups and my balancing exercises that keeps my body well-toned. I take day time naps which is unusual for me, and I barely sleep through the night without disturbance. The longest sleep period would be 6 hours (if I manage to get it that is). I barely eat. Its not that I'm not hungry, but I don't crave anything like I normally do. Usually I'm the one with the weird ideas of food delicacies and nowadays I hear myself saying whatever because I doubt I'd eat much. I lost another kilo this week unintentionally. And then I start going on a coffee binge. People seriously believe its because I'm addicted to coffee, partly yes and partly no. I know I'm not pregnant, because usually if I overdose myself with coffee its one of 2 things pregnancy or stress. Luckily I still enjoy the company of my angels, although too much of them gives me a headache.
I spend most of my time in my office. Doing research and writing up proposals. I know I'm upset because there is no drive to complete the blimey proposals which usually would take me 2 days the most. The sweet sound of the live band playing gives a soothing inspiration. Even writing on my blog seems a hard task, when writing is like a second nature to me. 3 weeks of low mood, if Stephen finds out he'll be suggesting another course of sweets to me and that to me is definitely a No No.
I have the whole world in front of me. There are many doors of opportunities that is within my reach. Really have to snap out of it. Too many people depend on me, because I am a rainmaker and if the rainmaker stops making rain? Maybe what I need is a shoulder to cry on - perhaps just someone to let it all out. Unfortunately most people I know will not have the capability of understanding what goes through my head, let alone cope with the emotional outburst that might happen. A lot of people believe I am superwoman - a single mum, a doctor, a business woman, a socialite, a strategist, a planner - but they forget, beneath it all I am just human.
Dear God, make me snap out of this fast. I need all parts of my brain and my heart to make what I plan to do work. Amen.
No comments:
Post a Comment