I have been pretty down for the past few months since this whole company restructuring ordeal. It was mentally, physically and emotionally draining especially when you are not at liberty to control decisions in other people's hands. You try your best to survive, despite the many frustrations of being let down.
Its true when people say when you are not at your best, the whole world seem to be against you. Everyone seems to be against you and trying to make your life difficult. This was how I was few weeks back. I was negotiating things until I reached a brick wall. There are days I just felt like swimming out to sea and not come back. I was down, I was frustrated. With my career, my business, my family and even my non-existent love life. Not to mention the empty spot in my wallet. I was broke basically, whatever money I had was for my kid, my home and my debts. Going on without salary for more than 2 months really makes you wanna drive into a wall and if you are lucky enough to survive, claim insurance to cover for a lot of stuff. But I still had God on my side, every day I reminded myself that it was blashphemous to even harbour those thoughts, but God would understand, I'm just human.
All I needed was for someone to just understand what a difficult time I'm going through and to remind me there is someone there for me, that I am not completely alone. Unfortunately, when you are going through shit, most of your friends would keep their distance because they too do not know what to do, or perhaps some fear that you may ask for their help, or sometimes they think you need to be alone. Some alone time is good, but when you have too much of it, it becomes a burden.
Maybe that is why God sent my best friend back to me during this Raya holiday. I haven't met him in almost a year or maybe less, time flies so fast when you deal problems everyday. Usually he'd avoid seeing me, but I guess he sensed something amiss. I hugged him tight and cried for a good 10 minutes. I was hurting so bad inside, with the company issue, the debts surrounding it, the debts surrounding me, my kids, my loneliness, my family. He was surprised to see me so vulnerable, I was usually a tough cookie. "Its okay Marr, you get through this, you always do. You have it built inside of you, no one can ever take that away." He said, his eyes sincerely believing what he said.
I paused. Despite how simple his words were, they rang true. I guess I must have forgotten with all the turmoil around me. I am one of the toughest chics alive. I have gone through family dispute, rejection, dissolution, an abusive past, peer boycott, a step mum, being denounced as a daughter, outcast for 10 years, an insincere marriage, childbirth, child deformity requiring surgery, divorce, child custody fight and a lot more. There was a time I had to work and study just to pay rent and keep food on the table. There was a time when I had to for go all my luxuries and live minimally. I have seen life given, I have seen death and revived the dying. I have worked more than 40 hours in a row, I've worked months without rest - I mean, this is a small glitch in my life. I can overcome this. God knows it, I just need to believe it.
I stopped crying and smiled "Yes, you are right. Thank you for believing in me." And from then on I knew I would be okay.
And sure enough, things began falling into place.
I have a renewed confidence in what I want and will definitely achieve.
I am not going to let myself self sabotage myself. In terms of loneliness, yes definitely I would like a mate. But perhaps now is not the best time. I need to get through these hurdles first. Besides, my best friend gave me a nice scolding for baring my heart to be ripped apart like that. Normally I command men, not the other way round. Its what makes men more attracted to me. No more Miss Nice. The bad girl's come out to play.
I am unsure what tomorrow will bring. Nobody knows. But at least I can rely mainly on myself, and God is there to protect me, I know I will be okay.
To my best friend, you may be confused to what I am so grateful for. I'm just so glad I still have you, someone who truly understands who I am. Pity we are star crossed, if not it would have made both our lives easier.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
Change.........
Its almost the last quarter of the year.... the best time of the year for me definitely. I don't know why, but I am always lucky towards the end of the year. Which is a definite blessing. It has been a very stressful 3rd quarter. Be it in terms of family, relationships, business and finances. I have been juggling a lot of things to the point I think I can take up a side income as a juggler.
Last last year I set up my first company which is Prodigy Works. Its my baby, with a great name, great concept and aspiring future. Unfortunately, my then partner abandoned me half way forcing me to swim on my own. It was torturous but a blessing in disguise. I learnt a lot of things in business in such a short span that perhaps if I took a business degree I wouldn't have learnt so much. My negotiation skills have gone up a par, and I find myself with a renewed confidence of achieving what I had set my heart to do when I resigned from the hospital. The best part is that now I do not need to rely on anyone else but myself - therefore I need not worry being let down by anyone.
Despite my renewed confidence and spirit, tomorrow is one of the hardest decisions I had to make i.e. to close down Prodigy Works. My first company - my baby. But after reviewing all my options and the consequences of all solutions, I guess it is for the best. By end of the week - I need to pack all Prodigy's documents and move them to my home office.
It is time for change and I knew it. With a deep sigh, I drafted the closure letter, placed RM 500 into an envelope and headed home. Tomorrow is another long day of meetings after meetings. Goodbye Prodigy Works, you may be lost but not forgotten.
Last last year I set up my first company which is Prodigy Works. Its my baby, with a great name, great concept and aspiring future. Unfortunately, my then partner abandoned me half way forcing me to swim on my own. It was torturous but a blessing in disguise. I learnt a lot of things in business in such a short span that perhaps if I took a business degree I wouldn't have learnt so much. My negotiation skills have gone up a par, and I find myself with a renewed confidence of achieving what I had set my heart to do when I resigned from the hospital. The best part is that now I do not need to rely on anyone else but myself - therefore I need not worry being let down by anyone.
Despite my renewed confidence and spirit, tomorrow is one of the hardest decisions I had to make i.e. to close down Prodigy Works. My first company - my baby. But after reviewing all my options and the consequences of all solutions, I guess it is for the best. By end of the week - I need to pack all Prodigy's documents and move them to my home office.
It is time for change and I knew it. With a deep sigh, I drafted the closure letter, placed RM 500 into an envelope and headed home. Tomorrow is another long day of meetings after meetings. Goodbye Prodigy Works, you may be lost but not forgotten.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Rantings of the turmoiled heart.....
Its the 7th day without my kids and although I am enjoying my singlehood without having to care for anyone, the loneliness is extremely torturing. With my baby by my side, I tend to distract the lonely nights by looking at her peaceful face sleeping by my side. I would be exhausted during the day keeping up with her antics, and thus sleep is most welcomed.
I am alone now. And every night is like a blade hitting my heart. I crave companionship and perhaps a little bit more, but I swore an oath to myself and God that I shall not indulge in such activities unless through proper wedlock. 3 fricking years is a long time. Its starting to haunt me. And this is the longest I have been without a love companion. Almost a year is it? Or perhaps more? My greatest weakness - love. Or is it lust?
God certainly has a sense of humour. He knows that I can't sleep with a man unless I love him, and he's thrown my heart to a man that does not love me. I cannot imagine a worst torture than having your heart tied to a person who couldn't careless what you feel. And so the tango begins.
I'm starting to hate myself for loving this guy and not having the courage to walk away. I would rather go through physical hardships and mental torture than going through what I'm going through. I guess no one would understand how I feel. Its just a very simple solution - I need this guy to tell me he doesn't love me, then I can move on. I'm so pathetic. No wonder he says I have issues. Yes I do have issues... you are the issue.
Despite being all so emotional, I guess my current vulnerable state would drive any man out the door. Its the insecurity of not knowing the outcome. I guess I'm so used to planning out my life completely in front of me, that when it comes to relationships, well, I want that same security also. But logically, who wants to be crushing on the same person for many many years only to have that person run off with a younger chic.
Yes, I hate to admit I am getting older. Despite only having 18 candles on all my cakes for the past 10 years, following a healthy anti-aging routine and having my own aesthetic and anti-aging clinic, my biological clock is ticking. If I hope for a son, I'd better get a mate in the next year or so. Hopefully he doesn't shoot X's all the time - then I'd be getting more girls.
Everyone wants someone to love and pay attention to what they are doing. I was asked before, am I so lonely? Its not a fair question to answer because yes of course I am. Even Adam was lonely, and God made him Eve. Even our prophet after the death of his first wife went into a state of depression, that God asked him to remarry to aid his grief. I am just a normal human being. If you are so used to living in a relationship, you will definitely feel lonely when you are out of one. My ex-husband and I, we were together for 10 years. I still feel a bit awkward waking up with no one beside me. Which is why the absence of my child pains me. Perhaps God sent her as a gift, because he knew I wouldn't survive this long without her.
Sometimes I think I'm being too emotional. Give the poor lad a space to breathe, I tell myself. I could, except of that lingering question of security. I hate going through the days not knowing. So I guess there will be more ramblings and rantings as such in days to come.
I'll be okay. My heart just need to cool down a bit. My greatest strength, my greatest weakness. Love.
I am alone now. And every night is like a blade hitting my heart. I crave companionship and perhaps a little bit more, but I swore an oath to myself and God that I shall not indulge in such activities unless through proper wedlock. 3 fricking years is a long time. Its starting to haunt me. And this is the longest I have been without a love companion. Almost a year is it? Or perhaps more? My greatest weakness - love. Or is it lust?
God certainly has a sense of humour. He knows that I can't sleep with a man unless I love him, and he's thrown my heart to a man that does not love me. I cannot imagine a worst torture than having your heart tied to a person who couldn't careless what you feel. And so the tango begins.
I'm starting to hate myself for loving this guy and not having the courage to walk away. I would rather go through physical hardships and mental torture than going through what I'm going through. I guess no one would understand how I feel. Its just a very simple solution - I need this guy to tell me he doesn't love me, then I can move on. I'm so pathetic. No wonder he says I have issues. Yes I do have issues... you are the issue.
Despite being all so emotional, I guess my current vulnerable state would drive any man out the door. Its the insecurity of not knowing the outcome. I guess I'm so used to planning out my life completely in front of me, that when it comes to relationships, well, I want that same security also. But logically, who wants to be crushing on the same person for many many years only to have that person run off with a younger chic.
Yes, I hate to admit I am getting older. Despite only having 18 candles on all my cakes for the past 10 years, following a healthy anti-aging routine and having my own aesthetic and anti-aging clinic, my biological clock is ticking. If I hope for a son, I'd better get a mate in the next year or so. Hopefully he doesn't shoot X's all the time - then I'd be getting more girls.
Everyone wants someone to love and pay attention to what they are doing. I was asked before, am I so lonely? Its not a fair question to answer because yes of course I am. Even Adam was lonely, and God made him Eve. Even our prophet after the death of his first wife went into a state of depression, that God asked him to remarry to aid his grief. I am just a normal human being. If you are so used to living in a relationship, you will definitely feel lonely when you are out of one. My ex-husband and I, we were together for 10 years. I still feel a bit awkward waking up with no one beside me. Which is why the absence of my child pains me. Perhaps God sent her as a gift, because he knew I wouldn't survive this long without her.
Sometimes I think I'm being too emotional. Give the poor lad a space to breathe, I tell myself. I could, except of that lingering question of security. I hate going through the days not knowing. So I guess there will be more ramblings and rantings as such in days to come.
I'll be okay. My heart just need to cool down a bit. My greatest strength, my greatest weakness. Love.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Hari Raya Aidilfitri 2009
Its 1st Syawal finally, and there goes the fasting season. I am a bit sad, I like Ramadhan a lot. Its the one month in the year that I actually behave a little bit more than my usual self.
This year's Raya was anticipated to be one of the hardest for me. Both my babies are with their father, my dad went back to Sarawak, and I am no longer working with the hospital. Furthermore, with the Company issues, I barely had enough to pass the weekend.
But this Raya, in all my Rayas was actually the most meaningful since my mum passed away. For the first time in many many years, I'm starting to have faith with my family. In my most dire time of need, they have come to aid, as much as they could - something that I wouldn't imagine if it were few years back. Perhaps, after seeing how hard I try to make life a better place for everybody, finally they have come to understand who I really am, how my heart ticks. They understand how much I love my current business, and how hard I am trying to save it - to the point of sacrificing my own necessities. My father acknowledges my passion, my brother supports my cause, and my sisters pray for my success everyday.
So I celebrated Raya at home. I got up early for dawn prayers and immediately went to kitchen to start the day's menu. My sisters wanted Laksa Sarawak. Unfortunately, I took too long, that by the time I finish, showered and changed to get ready for Raya prayers that it was over before I managed to leave the house. I guess the live telecast started late, I was depending on it to gauge my time.
My younger sister came over for breakfast, Laksa Sarawak and chicken rendang. My dad called from Sarawak, and we packed food for my elder sister who lived in Shah Alam. It turned out all of us were wearing green today and we had a mini photo shoot in my sister's house. Around noon, we went to visit my mother's grave, said a few prayers and as usual I left her my signature rose.
I was dead exhausted by the time I reached home. It rained and I found myself in the comfort of my silk duvet. My youngest sister followed my other sister, so I was mostly alone. I needed the rest. They came back again for dinner, since there was so much food in the house.
Overall, I was very happy. In my sadness, God showed me something else that brought me joy. The only upsetting thing for the day, was a promise unkept. At least have the courtesy to call or text to say that you can't make it. I would definitely understand. It is after all Raya. Likely you would have been caught up elsewhere.
Still, I'm not going to let one minor issue spoil my day. Happy Hari Raya everyone. Maaf Zahir Batin.
This year's Raya was anticipated to be one of the hardest for me. Both my babies are with their father, my dad went back to Sarawak, and I am no longer working with the hospital. Furthermore, with the Company issues, I barely had enough to pass the weekend.
But this Raya, in all my Rayas was actually the most meaningful since my mum passed away. For the first time in many many years, I'm starting to have faith with my family. In my most dire time of need, they have come to aid, as much as they could - something that I wouldn't imagine if it were few years back. Perhaps, after seeing how hard I try to make life a better place for everybody, finally they have come to understand who I really am, how my heart ticks. They understand how much I love my current business, and how hard I am trying to save it - to the point of sacrificing my own necessities. My father acknowledges my passion, my brother supports my cause, and my sisters pray for my success everyday.
So I celebrated Raya at home. I got up early for dawn prayers and immediately went to kitchen to start the day's menu. My sisters wanted Laksa Sarawak. Unfortunately, I took too long, that by the time I finish, showered and changed to get ready for Raya prayers that it was over before I managed to leave the house. I guess the live telecast started late, I was depending on it to gauge my time.
My younger sister came over for breakfast, Laksa Sarawak and chicken rendang. My dad called from Sarawak, and we packed food for my elder sister who lived in Shah Alam. It turned out all of us were wearing green today and we had a mini photo shoot in my sister's house. Around noon, we went to visit my mother's grave, said a few prayers and as usual I left her my signature rose.
I was dead exhausted by the time I reached home. It rained and I found myself in the comfort of my silk duvet. My youngest sister followed my other sister, so I was mostly alone. I needed the rest. They came back again for dinner, since there was so much food in the house.
Overall, I was very happy. In my sadness, God showed me something else that brought me joy. The only upsetting thing for the day, was a promise unkept. At least have the courtesy to call or text to say that you can't make it. I would definitely understand. It is after all Raya. Likely you would have been caught up elsewhere.
Still, I'm not going to let one minor issue spoil my day. Happy Hari Raya everyone. Maaf Zahir Batin.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Its almost the end of Ramadhan......
It is almost the end of Ramadhan as we know it. The end of the fasting month and season, and we will move on to Eid Fitri. Since these couple of days, I haven't be able to sleep much. Perhaps the worry surrounding the uncertainty of my Company's situation, or perhaps its the overload of caffeine in my system. Or maybe its just some indigestion. My body is not use to the weird eating hours and food habits that I start consuming since this Ramadhan. Eating at home is a bliss, although the multiple buffet invites do appear appealing at first, but later I end up waking this early due to stomach upset.
Oh yes, I am quite a sensitive being. I'm highly particular to what I eat, and I do have pretty obsessive compulsive behaviour on some degree. The wrong combination of food can bring a few consequences especially this forever indigestion. I guess it runs in the family - IBS. Luckily mine is not as bad as my other siblings.
Another 3 days to go. This year would be the first Raya that I am not celebrating with my kids nor am I on duty in a hospital. I've got my Raya activity planned out well, hopefully I forget how alone I would be on that day. I haven't even prepared any new clothes for the day - well, I could always pick something out of the closet but its funny how my expensive wardrobe seem to have developed feet and disappeared.
So I guess, I would have to go clothes shopping. Besides, after Raya there will many functions to attend formally. Ideally, I should restock my ever dispersing wardrobe (Is it because I have too many sisters or did my previous maids each took a souvenir before they left?). Its a long holiday away from everybody - perhaps a little spring cleaning would help occupy my mind and uncover the missing pieces to my wardrobe.
Ah.. my little pixie is half awake. Lying on my tummy, she made my back her pillow. Her daddy is taking her today, I'm definitely going to miss my little mischievous room mate. 10 days without my babies, God help me.
It is going to be an interesting Raya after all.
Oh yes, I am quite a sensitive being. I'm highly particular to what I eat, and I do have pretty obsessive compulsive behaviour on some degree. The wrong combination of food can bring a few consequences especially this forever indigestion. I guess it runs in the family - IBS. Luckily mine is not as bad as my other siblings.
Another 3 days to go. This year would be the first Raya that I am not celebrating with my kids nor am I on duty in a hospital. I've got my Raya activity planned out well, hopefully I forget how alone I would be on that day. I haven't even prepared any new clothes for the day - well, I could always pick something out of the closet but its funny how my expensive wardrobe seem to have developed feet and disappeared.
So I guess, I would have to go clothes shopping. Besides, after Raya there will many functions to attend formally. Ideally, I should restock my ever dispersing wardrobe (Is it because I have too many sisters or did my previous maids each took a souvenir before they left?). Its a long holiday away from everybody - perhaps a little spring cleaning would help occupy my mind and uncover the missing pieces to my wardrobe.
Ah.. my little pixie is half awake. Lying on my tummy, she made my back her pillow. Her daddy is taking her today, I'm definitely going to miss my little mischievous room mate. 10 days without my babies, God help me.
It is going to be an interesting Raya after all.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Sometimes we don't realize good things until it is gone...
Its been a hectic month. Its Ramadhan and its fasting most of the days and the nights are suppose to be filled with prayer activities. Its such a short month, even as I write this, its a week before Raya and all the celebrations start.
This year I will be celebrating Raya alone without my kids. I would have my sisters, but Raya to them is just waking up in the morning for some Raya food, Raya prayers (but funny usually I go alone) and perhaps later a drive to Bukit Kiara memorial to visit my late mother's grave. Then back home and TV hogging likely - or sleep. Unless of course they decide to come with me, and attend some Raya invites. So far, this year I have yet to receive any invites. I'm not so bothered either, since its a pretty tight situation at the company and therefore I have actually decided that I will not spend for myself this Raya, whatever money I get is for my kids. Tomorrow I plan to get some Raya stuff for them (courtesy of their grandpa). My dad is right, despite how much I'm keeping my Raya budget down this year, but kids are kids.... should at least show some celebration mood for them. As for myself, I don't really care about getting myself any Raya clothes. I wouldn't have a budget for it anyway, so lets just forget about adding any new raya clothes to my wardrobe.
I met up with a good friend one day and she was telling me about a guy she liked, and that she couldn't stop thinking about him. Unfortunately, she lost contact with him, because he told her that he was seeing another girl and he thinks he likes her. My friend just kept quiet about it because she did not know how to respond. However, turn of events, she started to contact the guy again, and it went smooth until a few days later, he told her that he was serious with the other girl. Despite this situation, the guy still wants to be friends. My friend was hurting inside because she loved him. Well, recently, this guy was in the area, and so I told my friend to go see him to find out whether her feelings were true, and were does the guy stand. He was good to her, but he told her he was serious with the other girl. They hugged and he kissed her forehead before they parted. My friend cried over it, but I guess it was best to let go. The guy has decided. Simple as that. It may be the wrong or the right decision for him but the important thing is that the decision has been made. End of story.
In a way, I do play a counselor therapist role to many of my friends. Coming across a situation like this has started me thinking. I'm happy single, but secretly I fell in love with a very unique guy. He knows about it, for quite a while now and somehow rather, despite denying any feelings for me and wanting to just be friends, there is a strong attraction between the two of us. Unfortunately, my dilemma is, I don't know where I stand. Yes, we are good friends, yes we understand most parts of each other, yes he is definitely weird, and yes I'm not a highly patient person. Its funny because I can help solve other people's relationship issues, and when it comes to my own - actually I am not sure whether there is a relationship to begin with.
When I listen to my brain - well, it is telling me to forget the whole charade, concentrate on my work and studies, and once I've stabilized myself, well I can find a better person who will love me for the unique person I am and appreciate my talents. Worst come to worst, if I don't find that person, well I have two kids already, what else do I need?
When I listen to my heart - it tells me to relax, wait and smell the roses. I need a fulcrum to stabilize my life. The weird thing is, this guy actually has what it takes to keep that balance in me. A part of me knows very well that I can't wait forever, and my patience is drying thin. Its not that I'm in such a hurry to tie the knot, but at least knowing that this is not a waste of my time really helps to put things into perspective. I fear that once I have decided that I will not be committing myself to any man, my next 5-year plan would be extremely hectic that I would not have time to think of having a man.
Being an ear to listen to similar problems as such, I would usually tell my friends to wake up and just forget about the guy completely. Why torture yourself loving a guy who you aren't sure would love you too? Why wait for a person who can't decide to be with you or not? If he is taking too long, means he is not interested enough in you to make it worth while. Its just a reality you have to accept.
I'm just giving myself a holiday from all this. Whatever will be, shall be. God knows what's best for me. For that lucky guy, at some point you'll have to decide. But don't take too long because sometimes we don't realize good things until it is gone......
This year I will be celebrating Raya alone without my kids. I would have my sisters, but Raya to them is just waking up in the morning for some Raya food, Raya prayers (but funny usually I go alone) and perhaps later a drive to Bukit Kiara memorial to visit my late mother's grave. Then back home and TV hogging likely - or sleep. Unless of course they decide to come with me, and attend some Raya invites. So far, this year I have yet to receive any invites. I'm not so bothered either, since its a pretty tight situation at the company and therefore I have actually decided that I will not spend for myself this Raya, whatever money I get is for my kids. Tomorrow I plan to get some Raya stuff for them (courtesy of their grandpa). My dad is right, despite how much I'm keeping my Raya budget down this year, but kids are kids.... should at least show some celebration mood for them. As for myself, I don't really care about getting myself any Raya clothes. I wouldn't have a budget for it anyway, so lets just forget about adding any new raya clothes to my wardrobe.
I met up with a good friend one day and she was telling me about a guy she liked, and that she couldn't stop thinking about him. Unfortunately, she lost contact with him, because he told her that he was seeing another girl and he thinks he likes her. My friend just kept quiet about it because she did not know how to respond. However, turn of events, she started to contact the guy again, and it went smooth until a few days later, he told her that he was serious with the other girl. Despite this situation, the guy still wants to be friends. My friend was hurting inside because she loved him. Well, recently, this guy was in the area, and so I told my friend to go see him to find out whether her feelings were true, and were does the guy stand. He was good to her, but he told her he was serious with the other girl. They hugged and he kissed her forehead before they parted. My friend cried over it, but I guess it was best to let go. The guy has decided. Simple as that. It may be the wrong or the right decision for him but the important thing is that the decision has been made. End of story.
In a way, I do play a counselor therapist role to many of my friends. Coming across a situation like this has started me thinking. I'm happy single, but secretly I fell in love with a very unique guy. He knows about it, for quite a while now and somehow rather, despite denying any feelings for me and wanting to just be friends, there is a strong attraction between the two of us. Unfortunately, my dilemma is, I don't know where I stand. Yes, we are good friends, yes we understand most parts of each other, yes he is definitely weird, and yes I'm not a highly patient person. Its funny because I can help solve other people's relationship issues, and when it comes to my own - actually I am not sure whether there is a relationship to begin with.
When I listen to my brain - well, it is telling me to forget the whole charade, concentrate on my work and studies, and once I've stabilized myself, well I can find a better person who will love me for the unique person I am and appreciate my talents. Worst come to worst, if I don't find that person, well I have two kids already, what else do I need?
When I listen to my heart - it tells me to relax, wait and smell the roses. I need a fulcrum to stabilize my life. The weird thing is, this guy actually has what it takes to keep that balance in me. A part of me knows very well that I can't wait forever, and my patience is drying thin. Its not that I'm in such a hurry to tie the knot, but at least knowing that this is not a waste of my time really helps to put things into perspective. I fear that once I have decided that I will not be committing myself to any man, my next 5-year plan would be extremely hectic that I would not have time to think of having a man.
Being an ear to listen to similar problems as such, I would usually tell my friends to wake up and just forget about the guy completely. Why torture yourself loving a guy who you aren't sure would love you too? Why wait for a person who can't decide to be with you or not? If he is taking too long, means he is not interested enough in you to make it worth while. Its just a reality you have to accept.
I'm just giving myself a holiday from all this. Whatever will be, shall be. God knows what's best for me. For that lucky guy, at some point you'll have to decide. But don't take too long because sometimes we don't realize good things until it is gone......
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