Friends can really cause a havoc...

Recently there was a lot of hoo haa in my circle of friends due to overactive gossiping that was quite unecessary and pretty damaging. Shamefully, I was part of the circle, so in a way, I do share some of the blame. But gossip being gossip, eventhough you have put it behind you, there is bound to have someone who will relight the story and cause another mess with other circles. And still, despite you are not involved in the recent circulation, you will still remain involved because you were involved in the beginning.

But being a gentlelady, I painfully swallow every critic or harsh remark given to me by my peers, any reminders and scolding or what so ever. I learnt long time ago that whenever any conflict or problem arise, you should point the first finger to yourself, for if it involves you then there must be something that you could have done or should have not done to avoid it. Sometimes its best to just keep quiet and let everything pass. We are after all human. Still, I feel the emotional chasm inside of me, the sad reality that I have no one to confide to, or soothen my fears. But do I really need anyone? Since of late, I just hold my head up high and say its okay, God will guide me through.

My mentor said to me, if its a woman it will always be a woman. In a way, I completely agree. Although he did include me in the saying, but he is right. And I won't deny it. It may be the incompetence on my part, but I promised to him that I will completely improved, and I'm just praying that he will take my word for it. As I always remind myself, things happen for a reason. Perhaps this is God's lesson to me to make me see my weakness, and make me improve myself. Despite being surrounded by male colleagues, I am ascertain to maintain my uniqueness as a woman, minus the incompetent behaviours. It will take a lot of work, in order for me to regain my mentors trust. I'm just praying I am up to it.

The challenges of being a single mother, a female business partner to male counterparts who are well established, a managing director of two businesses of completely different spectrums, a best friend and confidante, and a young lady still praying for a soulmate is not easily comprehend by the majority of people. Despite the mask of a rich spoil brat that still lingers around me, my eyes are telling a completely different story. I wish I can mask my eyes, because there are times when I look into them I feel like crying. Or maybe I` should just get those Gucci shades I've been dying for. I am after all a woman. When in extreme stress, retail therapy does wonders.