In the middle of the night.....

Sometimes the only time you have for yourself is in the middle of the night. Yes, it may be crazy to stay up late just for that moment but when you have two kids like I do, well you would start to savour any moment of me time you can get even though it is in the middle of the night. This is my me time, usually the time I have the most inspiration to write about things that troubles my head or heart.
It is almost a new year, it is already a new year in Islamic calender. A lot has passed in the past one year, and I guess I have changed dramatically. But perhaps it is just the outer me that has changed, the inner me still remains the same, God's curious child who looks at the world as a medium to explore the fullest potential.
Recently I attended a wedding of one of my old friends. I've known her since we were 18. But during her wedding, it strucked me as how much I didn't know about her. And I regard myself as a friend, well honestly, I myself felt embarassed. Yes I knew her and her fiance, I knew her mum - but other than that I was completely clueless about the other people in her life. In that short ceremony that I attended, I questioned myself over and over again, as to how could I be completely ignorant of my old friend that I have known for the past 10 years. To my friend, I compeltely apologize, I guess I haven't really been there for you all these years, but hopefully you'll let me be there for you for the years to come - deal?
After the wedding, I dropped by my clinic fo awhile. Its more of a habit rather than anything. I'm just so attached to my new baby. After the short clinic trip, I went home and took everyone in my house to visit my brother over the long weekend. Yes, it was a wonderful weekend, I must say I had tremendous fun. I guess when you put aside worries, woes and complaints, there is nothing left except pure happiness. What is there to complain about when you have good food, good company and exciting activities to do like sitting in front of a waterfall and feeling your butt go numb due to the rapids. All thanks to my brother and his wife, God bless them for welcoming us to their home. It was just a matter of instincts to drive all the way there, I only decided on the Saturday.
God certainly gives us love in many ways. In the absence of a soul mate, I find fulfillment in spending time with my kids and family and at one point, I couldn't care less if I did have a partner. I was already happy, thus another man in my life was not a necessity. Especially not in the current moment when the chapter with the old one has yet to be closed. Still I do believe God will give me someone in time, because I have dreamt of my baby boy with his bald head and pink skin. Its funny but I always dream of my babies few years before I conceive them. It was true for Aina as well as Nabilah. However, for the time being, I'm learning to love God as much as God loves me, so whoever wants my heart would have to ask it from God first. As for keeping myself out of boredom, I've devoted these next 3 years to my businesses and my babies. Maybe the 30s era would bring new light to whatever my destiny in life is suppose to be.