Its almost the end of the year...

It is almost the end of the year and I'm still as busy as hell. Well, I sometimes believe that I keep myself busy because I just want to forget the void of loneliness that surrounds my unfortunate soul. I guess I haven't reached that state of nirwana, where you won't ever feel alone because you understand and feel the presence of God. But I'm just human, even Adam wished for Eve despite sitting in heaven, what else myself, an insignificant servant who dwells earth which is the between heaven and hell. Yeah, I guess reality bites.
So many things occurred in the past few weeks that I should have written about, except I was to absorbed with my current new job and company. There was a bad landslide at Bukit Antarabangsa, which conveniently my ABIM friends forgot to call me to come and help. I heard that some residents were stranded up there for a few days, but then the commotion about the government should pay compensation, but then again they are living on private land, so it becomes an issue. Then the Eastern states have started the yearly flood problem, especially in Terengganu. Although I was suppose to go but I had to pull out last minute due to a sudden resignation by my staff (okay I resigned her I admit) which caused me to have to sit in the clinic during a Saturday (plus I had a laser that day).
On top of all this, my new company expansion into the food business is also draining my mental energy as I have to come up with a business proposal for the new place, which was also due to my stubborness of wanting the place for my own. But I saw great potential in the shop, and I'm not a lady that would turn down good opportunities easy. Yes, my stressful workaholic life. Its actually a blessing that my kids go off for a week, but in a way, I miss them so much that I barely want to do anything more.
Which comes back to the issue of being alone and lonely. Its not that I do not want any relationship at the current moment but I guess I'm married to my business since its the one thing that hopefully will not hurt me. But then again, many a times I find myself in need of a sparring partner (no, not in bed) i.e. to sparr ideas with me because i have so many, it helps me focus better and refute ridiculous ones. And it is best done with the opposite sex, because the mechanics of a male brain compared to a female brain is completely different and I would love to see things on both sides of the equation in order to make the best decision or create the best idea or outcome.
In order to have that, I would need to find a guy that matches my intellectual capacity, which by the day makes me feel like its more like a curse rather than a gift, or perhaps because I'm not looking in the right place. Honestly difficult to find a man who is not more than 10 years older than me, who can tell me simply that I am wrong and explain the right thing to me, or say that I do not know. I'm not saying that I know everything, its just that I know more things than an average girl of my age.
Okay, enough of blabbering. I guess I can't write straight because I'm not inspired. I'm not inspired because I'm out of love, and thus makes me lonely, and libras are worst when they feel lonely because they are highly sociable people. So perhaps this vicious cycle would not end until I find peace with myself, or find the right guy.
In any case its almost 1 am and I need my beauty sleep. Good nite.