Sometimes people just do not realize how lucky they are, especially when luck shines fortune onto them. Sometimes they forget, that other people also come into play of their good fortune. Its so common, sadly. A lot of these things happen to me, the people I help tend to forget that without my help, you wouldn't have gained what you have now. But its okay, we are just human. Still, there is a saying - don't go bothering a hornets next. It may appear quiet in the beginning but you may stir up a mayhem. Fine.
As many have already discovered, I am single again, for the past 3 years from my 10 year love story with my ex-husband which ended due to differences irreconcilable. I don't blame anyone for this dissolution. God has written it that way. God has also made my darling ex-husband to be such a pain that we ended up in a 2 year custody battle that finally I called quits and let him keep my eldest daughter whilst I took care of the young one after a lengthy discussion with my daughters at some point. Aina, in her young age, was able to reason with me why she wanted to stay with her dad at that point. I respected her decision.
So for the past 16 months I have been taking care of Nabilah until recently my maid decided to resign after she found her new soul mate. Who was I to stop her? I let her go, and so I was forced to give Nabilah's care to her father for safety and convenience purposes. That too was after a lengthy discussion with my daughters (although Nabilah's attention span was a little less than 10 minutes). But the conclusion was that the two of them were tired of being apart from each other, despite the constant squabble, they wanted to be together.
Children are pure beings, and therefore, when they ask God for something, they normally would get what they wish for. I always teach my children to pray for good things and good fortune. Perhaps God answered their prayers to be together, which has forced me into this fix. After a late night consolation with my Creator, I had finally had the strength to let go.
Of all the while, my ex has been telling all his friends and family that I was incapable to care for my kids due to my hectic life schedule and that he wanted to take care of Nabilah as well but I didn't allow it. He also told everyone, including myself that he will only pay for Nabilah's kindergarten if she stays with him. I guess God is trying to make you live up to your promises, my dear ex-husband.
Despite what he tells other people, this is what he's been smsing to me in the past few days and despite my silence - well, I too have feelings and instead of replying to you personally - I'm putting this on my blog so that I do not forget, because I might lose the SMS in my phone, and as a reminder to myself that I shall no longer have any empathy for you because you dear sir, have completely crossed the boundary.
This is what he wrote......
"Salam. I hope u settle masalah u secepat mungkin. Don't put ur burden to me. I tau u ingat I bole jd jaga anak2. Mmg bole. Tp wat 4 ada court order dari awal?Buang masa dgn duit saja. Las2 u cari i gak. I nk u langsai t/jawab u trhadap nabilah. Dah u nk sgt jaga. Perform it well! Dah tau ada masalah kenapa x bg i jaga dari awal?Skrg ada masalah cari i. I pun ada masalah, tp MANA PENAH burden u pun sampai berminggu2. Dah tau duit tadak. Utang banyak keliling pinggang, nk byr maid pun susah, keta pun 2-3 asyik tunggak, kurangkan la tabiat lifestyle u tu. U settle hal u. Senang2 je nak lepas tangan. Kalo i ada prob jaga anak2 i settle sendiri. U tu yg slalu sgt bz dari seolah lari t/jwb. U do wat u need to do apa u request dlm court. Tats it. If not tell court u x mampu jaga anak dan xde masa."
(Yups - 6 pages of SMS)
First things first. Who is the father and who is the mother? In the Quran, who has the responsibility for child support. The father - that is what our religion preaches. No court order can ever change that. But for the past 18 months since Nabilah has been with me, have you ever paid any child support?
What pisses me off in this SMS is:
1. He called Nabilah a burden. The only thing I gave to him was Nabilah. I did not ask him to pay for my maid or my car or my house. I just gave him Nabilah for safe keeping whilst I was looking for a replacement caretaker at home while I had to work.
2. His ignorance of my responsibility towards the children. My only responsibility to the children is love and nurturing. Both which I have done well without any problems. Despite Aina being away from me, but both Aina and Nabilah knows how much I love them. Both also knows that I am always here for them to listen and discuss things. I have no monetary obligations to them as per written by syarak so don't try to be smart when you are so bloody ignorant of Islamic responsibilities. In fact, if I remarry, I will no longer be obliged to care for them if my new husband is not keen - but I will not go to the greater extent of explaining these things.
3. I have taken cared of my baby for more than a year. We can't see the future. A year ago I had no problem. In fact last month I had no problem. It was only last week my maid told me she wanted to remarry, and she asked to resign because I refused to allow her to bring her husband to stay in the same house as me and Nabilah. Therefore suddenly I could not take care of Nabilah, because I had no maid, and my erratic hours would be difficult to send Nabilah to daycare. Besides, me and the girls have discussed this, and both girls were fed up of being separated. We all agreed that Nabilah will be given to her dad instead of some stranger since her dad promised to send her to school if she stayed with him. Our daughter is only 4 but she remembers what you promised her. They are not small children anymore. Didn't you notice that when you came to pick up Aina at KFC the week prior, both girls were sitting on top of me, hugging me? Even they understood my pain, and tried to console me. We have very smart children, don't under estimate them.
4. Don't talk about my lifestyle, my earnings, my debts - they are none of your business because as I've mentioned before, I have no monetary obligation to the kids what-so-ever according to Syariah. You don't know how much money I have, you don't know what I earn. It is funny for you to talk about debts because being marriage to you almost drove me into bankruptcy which is why I decided to call it quits. When I left you, I was -200K in debt. Luckily its a lot less by now. If I had stayed with you perhaps I'd be -500K in debts. You completely depended on me to provide the basic necessities in our family - and then you had the cheek to say in court, what was wrong with me helping you out? I wasn't helping you out, I was practically supporting your ass and you never appreciated it. If I were to claim for alimony when we divorced, you'd be left with not even your underwear, but for the love of you and for the sake of the children, I didn't. The preliminary calculations including my 'nafkah' and family home rental that you never paid amounted to over 100K, not including the things I paid for the kids since the day they were born till now.
If I were to go on and on this blog entry would never end. But seriously, I am pissed.
Because all I had was love for him. Despite all he did to me, I forgave him. I prayed for his success and safety everyday until today. In fact, the first thing that I prayed for after our divorce session in court, after he sent me to my car and wanted to hug me one last time but I didn't let you so he kissed my headrest just to smell my hair, was so that God made his life easy, and find him a more suitable partner than me first because I knew that he were useless alone. So God granted me my prayers, and sure enough, he was never alone for long and now he's already married to a younger woman with his simplicity.
To my ex-hubby, you are where you are now because of all the things I did for you. If it was not for me, you would never even dream of living in KL. Your problem was because you didn't know when to keep your mouth shut, and because you let your ego take the best of you. If only you listened to the things I told you to do, you would have been in a better position and we would have still been married. But no, you just had to listen to your friends who couldn't see you excel more than them. You forget, it was not them who took care of you, it was not them who fed up, it was not them who motivated you to be a better person.
As for me, I would have still became a doctor even if I didn't marry you. Perhaps I would have been a specialist by now, if it was not for marrying you. How many years I cried because my savings for my exams had to be used to pay for something that you should be paying. I would've still succeeded even if I didn't know you. Perhaps even to a greater length. The only thing I am grateful is my two girls, the only reason I am nice to you.
But as for today, you have really hurt my feelings with the sms you sent. But at least I know where you stand. I use to believe that you can take glass and shine it into diamonds, but unfortunately you can't. Good luck in life honey, as for today, I will stop praying for you and your safety. You are my past and I will let you stay there for good. God is always with me, at least I know God will never let me down. Amen.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment