Time for bed

Its late already and its time for bed. My lil baby is still awake perhaps due to the chocolate bar she had few hours ago or perhaps just because I'm not asleep yet. I've read her favourite book to her, and she has her milk, but maybe she just wants me to cuddle with her.
Cuddling, how I miss cuddling close to someone special. I can cuddle the whole night without doing anything else. But alas, I swore myself to singlehood for these next couple of months until my heart completely heals, and perhaps until my girls give the word go. Its six months since my last relationship, but I guess that relationship was over even more than 6 months. It lacked the chemistry, it lacked the drive.
Picky as I may sound, but I have good reason to be so. All this while men look at me as a sexual symbol. Even since my young teen age of 17, I already had a full front. It was distressing especially when walking alone. I have been tailed not once or twice but many a times, to a point that there was a time when I dressed up like a tom boy just to be ignored. I got married young, to a man that I believed loved me for me, but soon after I guess he was more obsessed with my body rather my mind. He couldn't compliment me at all without referring to me sexually. Was I too sexy? I honestly do not regard myself so. But apparently most men do, what do they see in me I have no idea. Its not that I'm drop dead gorgeous, I believe I have more of inner beauty than outer beauty. But to most men, I'm just sexy. Smart and sexy - but they always forget the brains part.
Despite missing any form of physical intimacy, to me its okay. I have survived a few years, what is a few more. I'm more concerned in finding the right guy, who sees the inner beauty instead, rather than the outer body. Okie perhaps the outer physique is a bonus. Basically, I need a guy who isn't shallow.
Sleepy but my heart is missing someone that I have yet to recognize. My girlfriend called because she missed her beau and while we were chatting, her beau called her. She's so lucky in that sense. Sometimes I just wish I had somebody to love. Sigh.