A lot of people have been asking me lately, "Marr, don't you feel lonely being single?". Since apparently almost everyone I meet seems to hint or suggest this notion, perhaps I should clarify a few things.
First foremost, every human being wants to have a life companion. Even Adam got bored sitting in heaven alone that God created him Eve. When he was cast down to Earth, Eve was sent with him. It is human nature to feel lonely and craves companionship. Definitely. But that does not mean I'm desperate. In fact this lonely episode in my life to me is a blessing from the previous relationships that I have had. It gives me time to think and regroup, and I think finally at almost 30, I have reached a point where I know exactly who I am, and what I want to do in my life. I also know the exact type of man I need and what traits he will need to cope with me. There is no point of going into another romantic relationship where there is too many things to rectify, and too many efforts to make life tolerable when together. Okay, at this point it may struck a lot of blurness to the men who read this (if there are any).
You see, when I was a lot younger I was a pure believer of true love. I believed that love can make you change for the better and inspire you to do good deeds. You would sacrifice yourself to keep your partner happy, you would leave all the selfish activities you used to do just to please everyone. A 10 year love relationship, a 6 year marriage and 2 beautiful daughters changed my mind completely. I went into a commitment so gullible and naive thinking that for love, this man is willing to change and improve himself to make me happy, as how I did for him. But alas, my ideas and his were different. Now I understand that men are very simple creatures. To them, love is mainly physical - what you can see, touch and feel. There is no abstract to it. No need to think more than what is in front of you.
Being single for the past 3 years have put a lot of perspective to what an ideal life companion is to me. I have finally come to terms that I may be ideal for a lot of people, but they may not be ideal for me. Which man wouldn't want a woman who looks delicious, smells delicious but has the capability to whip up food that is more than delicious? But every item has a price to go with it, unfortunately many men do not realize this. The ones who do, shun away. Even if a guy does like me, doesn't mean I would like him back, unless he does some effort to attract my attention and give him an after thought. Sounds a bit cocky, but I do admit, I have high taste in most things, including men. But who can blame me? I'm not your average girl.
Some guys tell me I can't be too picky, maybe they are right, or maybe they are just trying to get into my pants? I'm not being picky, I'm praying God will guide me to the right one. There is a lot of things I need to see in a guy before I would even consider a relationship. The normal stuff, responsibility, intellect and charisma, gentleman manners are a complete must. I've also added a few other criterias such as tech savvy, health consciousness and financial stability and ideally financial freedom. Metrosexuality is a bonus - hey, its only fair that guys like me because of my style, my dressing and my smell that I should impose the same criteria to men. Basically, the guy has to offer me something, because definitely they would want me for something. And for the record, I'm not the sharing type - Sharing is not caring. Sharing is an excuse for men to be unfaithful. Although it is allowed by God, but it comes with great responsibility and honestly, there are only a few men who were able to pull it off and still have my respect. Still, I'm not your average woman, I would demand the same faithfulness in the man as how he would demand it with me. Like what I use to tell my ex-hubby - "You do, I do". And it was not a mere threat.
So what do you offer a woman who has brains, style, charisma, her own company, a luxurious office, and kids? One guy actually told me he could offer me a son (are you that sure?), since I only have daughters. I thought that it was so cute which is maybe why I have such a soft spot for him. (Unfortunately the same cliche does not work twice for anyone else, so other guys have to come up with something else). Other criterias were almost fulfilled except for there was one major issue with him, that made him crossed out from my potentials list. Pity.
Like Bon Jovi's song.... "Tonight, I won't be alone, it does not mean I'm not lonely....." (Bed of Roses) I don't sleep alone. I sleep with my baby girl and my elmo. I don't like sleeping alone, the bed feels so empty without another person on it. Similarly, I don't like to be single, but God wants me to be for the time being until I find the right person I guess. And he is out there I am confident. God will lead him to me one day, but its not today. Even if I remain single till the end of my days, God will come up with a plan to make me not feel so lonely by opening opportunities to the things that I like doing. So its a win win situation still.
I have nothing to worry about because I believe that I have God's Grace and thus God will protect me and guide me to what's best for myself and my children. Amen.
