This has been a very interesting year indeed despite only 2 months passed. I'm sure with the turning of time it will get more and more exciting with all sorts of activities planned to bring great things my way, Insya Allah. Whatever the hurdle, whatever the need, I will definitely put my best into everything I do. Like I always say, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Recently, I broke up with a guy (well not really that recent) and after settling for just friends, well lets say he had a taste of my unfiltered wrath and so we perhaps are not friends anymore. Perhaps its for the better. There was a certain attraction to the idiot (yes I am still mad at him but he's forgiven) but after scolding the poor lad, I felt unsettled. Perhaps I went a little bit too far. So I decided to apologize the the guy, not because he was right, but because I think my words were too harsh and I do realize that I have a tendency to hit certain sensitive spots with my words. Despite preferring to apologize face to face, Malay men hate confrontations, so I'll just have to make do by sending a text message instead.
After all of this transpired, I start asking myself whether do I really need a man to begin with? Well maybe at some point of time, later on when I am less busy as I am. But he has to be someone who is really interested to know who I am, not like most of the guys I meet nowadays are actually more interested with the outside appearance. What happens if my boobs start to sag? Would you still love me then?
I realize I am a highly complicated woman who requires a certain level of respect and understanding from the male counterpart. I can be an extremely romantic lover but it will only surface if I feel that the guy is worthy of my attention and hard work. Yes, I have mood swings, every woman does, but despite all that I do believe that if a guy is really interested in me, and invests time to understand me, it would be one of the best investments of his life.
For the time being, being single is so much fun. I get to do a lot of the stuff that I missed out earlier on. Yeah, maybe I do crave human touch and affection, but as long as God is my number one boyfriend, I doubt he'd let any guy with wrong intentions near me. So far, that is how its been - yeah, one day he'll give me the most suitable partner. I just have to be patient and wait. Amen.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
So what if I'm a woman?....... Doesn't mean I'm dumb.
I haven't been able to write on my blog for quite awhile. Too many issues surrounding my head, and to find the right peaceful time to ramble is turning into quite a task, even for a master multi-tasker. But I guess this blog entry is just to sooth my nerves and calm my temper, almost sent some hounds after the idiot who ticked me off.
I met this guy last year after my heart break. He was a lot older than me in years, tall shy guy, more on the social side compared to the usual guys I use to date. I have to admit, there was strong chemistry between the two of us, so when he asked me to be his girlfriend, without much thought I said yes. It was the end of 2009, and I remembered myself saying that if I didn't have a bf by end of the year, I'll remain a bachelor till 35. Was he god sent? Perhaps.
The first 2 weeks of the relationship was fine, we were constantly seeing each other and in contact with each other, but by new year, things started to change. He didn't pick up my calls, and never returned them. He doesn't ever reply my smses and we barely meet. In fact I only met him once in January, and I talked to him on the phone maybe once a fortnight? After awhile I got fed up with this funny game. What is the point of having a boyfriend who is not there for you? So I decided, since he couldn't careless about what's going on with my life that we be just friends. I am a one man type woman. If I decide to be in relationship with one man, it'll be just that one man. To me, if you don't even have the courtesy to call me or spend time with me, then forget it. No point making my heart bleed for a guy who doesn't appreciate my worth.
Well, despite all that's happen, I was willing to give friendship a chance. He wanted my help for a few ventures he wanted to pursue. I, as usual, have all the contacts. I guess the weakness in me is that I always look at the goodness of people, and minimize the negative attitude. I marketed him quite good in the initial part, and many of my contacts were interested to help him out.
Unfortunately, there is a term in my language called "bodoh sombong". It means that the person is an idiot but does not realize or admit it, thus because of that he is incapable of learning anything. And because of that attitude also this friend of mine has successfully self-sabotaged his future by berating me and treating me badly. And you forget that it is on my recommendation that these people even notice you. Idiot.
First thing I wonder, why does he berate me so much? He doesn't really know me, he didn't grow up with me and he barely spends time with me. So in the first place, if you want to lecture me for my behaviour and the way i communicate with people, saying that I'm highly egoistic and stuck up, Excuse me mister - take a mirror and take a good look at yourself. What isn't that you have that gives you the right to lecture me? And besides, it is my help that you want in the first place to push you up, and you dare criticize me? I have just introduced you to my contacts, and you dare want to go direct with them when you have only really talked to them once? My God, you sure have guts. And you ask me why are you still where you are?
I maybe eccentric and I maybe out spoken, but that is who I am. No male chauvinistic pig is going to tell me to not be myself. If you have a problem with that then don't ask for my help in the first place. But if you are capable to gain what you want without my help, then you would have achieved it long before you knew me. Is it too much to ask for some respect and love for a way to achieve your dreams. I am not even asking for any monetary reimbursement, nor matrimony. It was my sincerest desire to help a fellow human, because I believed he had the capability to do what he wanted to do but needed a bit of guidance, and I wanted nothing in return except for his friendship. Period.
People who know me know that I am a bit outlandish in my ways, but they respect my heart and my effort. They respect the fact that I am the type of person who is willing to do everything it takes to make a difference, they respect my heart for its ever forgiving nature, they value my friendship because I am always a friend in need. Maybe the things that come out from my mouth are not all rosy but that's reality for you. Its no point whipping up roses, when your heart is as black as the abyss, with all sorts of conniving ideas to bring other people down.
Its not that I do not accept criticism well. I do for a fact. But it depends on who gives it and how it is given. You can't expect me to accept half an hour of lecturing and berating over my behaviour on the phone, when it is suppose to be you who should be listening to what I have to offer to help you achieve your dreams.
Well, I'm just going to keep quiet and see what he does. If he still has some functioning neurons in his head, he'd have the common sense to really apologize for what he did and what he put me through. If not, then it is his lost. Besides, does he really think people would want to help him if it was not for me..... Oh puh-lease..... like I said, if he could have succeeded without my help, he would have succeeded before. Lesson of the day, if you don't know, admit you don't know. Don't be a fool and piss every one off.
I met this guy last year after my heart break. He was a lot older than me in years, tall shy guy, more on the social side compared to the usual guys I use to date. I have to admit, there was strong chemistry between the two of us, so when he asked me to be his girlfriend, without much thought I said yes. It was the end of 2009, and I remembered myself saying that if I didn't have a bf by end of the year, I'll remain a bachelor till 35. Was he god sent? Perhaps.
The first 2 weeks of the relationship was fine, we were constantly seeing each other and in contact with each other, but by new year, things started to change. He didn't pick up my calls, and never returned them. He doesn't ever reply my smses and we barely meet. In fact I only met him once in January, and I talked to him on the phone maybe once a fortnight? After awhile I got fed up with this funny game. What is the point of having a boyfriend who is not there for you? So I decided, since he couldn't careless about what's going on with my life that we be just friends. I am a one man type woman. If I decide to be in relationship with one man, it'll be just that one man. To me, if you don't even have the courtesy to call me or spend time with me, then forget it. No point making my heart bleed for a guy who doesn't appreciate my worth.
Well, despite all that's happen, I was willing to give friendship a chance. He wanted my help for a few ventures he wanted to pursue. I, as usual, have all the contacts. I guess the weakness in me is that I always look at the goodness of people, and minimize the negative attitude. I marketed him quite good in the initial part, and many of my contacts were interested to help him out.
Unfortunately, there is a term in my language called "bodoh sombong". It means that the person is an idiot but does not realize or admit it, thus because of that he is incapable of learning anything. And because of that attitude also this friend of mine has successfully self-sabotaged his future by berating me and treating me badly. And you forget that it is on my recommendation that these people even notice you. Idiot.
First thing I wonder, why does he berate me so much? He doesn't really know me, he didn't grow up with me and he barely spends time with me. So in the first place, if you want to lecture me for my behaviour and the way i communicate with people, saying that I'm highly egoistic and stuck up, Excuse me mister - take a mirror and take a good look at yourself. What isn't that you have that gives you the right to lecture me? And besides, it is my help that you want in the first place to push you up, and you dare criticize me? I have just introduced you to my contacts, and you dare want to go direct with them when you have only really talked to them once? My God, you sure have guts. And you ask me why are you still where you are?
I maybe eccentric and I maybe out spoken, but that is who I am. No male chauvinistic pig is going to tell me to not be myself. If you have a problem with that then don't ask for my help in the first place. But if you are capable to gain what you want without my help, then you would have achieved it long before you knew me. Is it too much to ask for some respect and love for a way to achieve your dreams. I am not even asking for any monetary reimbursement, nor matrimony. It was my sincerest desire to help a fellow human, because I believed he had the capability to do what he wanted to do but needed a bit of guidance, and I wanted nothing in return except for his friendship. Period.
People who know me know that I am a bit outlandish in my ways, but they respect my heart and my effort. They respect the fact that I am the type of person who is willing to do everything it takes to make a difference, they respect my heart for its ever forgiving nature, they value my friendship because I am always a friend in need. Maybe the things that come out from my mouth are not all rosy but that's reality for you. Its no point whipping up roses, when your heart is as black as the abyss, with all sorts of conniving ideas to bring other people down.
Its not that I do not accept criticism well. I do for a fact. But it depends on who gives it and how it is given. You can't expect me to accept half an hour of lecturing and berating over my behaviour on the phone, when it is suppose to be you who should be listening to what I have to offer to help you achieve your dreams.
Well, I'm just going to keep quiet and see what he does. If he still has some functioning neurons in his head, he'd have the common sense to really apologize for what he did and what he put me through. If not, then it is his lost. Besides, does he really think people would want to help him if it was not for me..... Oh puh-lease..... like I said, if he could have succeeded without my help, he would have succeeded before. Lesson of the day, if you don't know, admit you don't know. Don't be a fool and piss every one off.
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