Do we get everything we pray for....?

I haven't written in my blog for quite awhile I know. Stress at work and trying to keep the company afloat, on top of all the other problems has definitely taken my toll on my creative side.

Plus the fact my ex has already finally tied the knot with his girl after a year of courting, well I would lie if I didn't say I felt a pang of sadness. Late nights when I find that sleep would not be my friend, I ask God, when is it my turn to find my partner. The person that loves me and understands me, and bothers about the things I do and is always there for me.

I have had strings of boyfriends in the past that at one point made me feel like I don't really need a guy. I even came to the point wondering whether was it me? Perhaps I pamper my guys too much, they start acting too mush like children - and I become like a mother instead.

End of last year, I met with a guy who suited my physical criterias, but in terms of the others, well there was some work to be done. Initially I didn't mind, because he was oh so charming. Metrosexual and there was such a strong chemistry between us, i think the whole room could feel the intensity. After 3 days, he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. It was almost christmas, and I regarded him a xmas present from God. Another purpose he did serve was for me not to give up hope, because I did tell God that if I didn't have a bf by end of last eyar I would remain single till I was 35. And then he came out of nowhere. A miracle? Perhaps.

Initially thought it would be a happily ever after but unfortunately he had too many issues, among the many was his extremely hectic schedule and lack of ability to give me any time commitment. On top of that there was a domestic issue unresolved. Well, anyway, after the new year, he seemed to have disappeared into thin air and I was left asking myself whether was he for real or not. I called and he didn't answer, I smsed and he didn't reply. So after awhile, I told myself, okay, this is not the type of guy I needed and I sent him an sms telling him that its best we just became friends because he doesn't have any time for me. I'm a young, beautiful, talented, and resourceful person, I definitely deserve someone better.

So I prayed to God, to show me my most ideal partner. In the silence of the night I prayed. I prayed for the right person and for help to save my business. I prayed for strength and guidance, and I prayed for happiness that I longed craved.

And then one fine day, I met someone. Someone just like me in many ways. Someone despite our different background, seem to have the patience to learn to understand me. And after days of pondering, I told myself, well perhaps this is the type of person I really need. I have yet to consult God on this matter, I have been too exhausted to get up for my late nite routines.

God tests his servants in many ways. This maybe my test of virtue, instead of the hardships I've been going through. Well, maybe perhaps this is my life partner.... time will tell.

Love.....

There are many instances when I ask God about love. Why am I such a fool for love?, I sigh, trudging my way through the earth. Since I decided to make God as my first true love, I must admit, I feel a lot more calmer. I have less fear towards the hardships of life, I prayed as hard as I worked. It felt so natural, the balance that I craved so much for so long. Perhaps, I have already achieved it? No, I think my journey is just beginning.

I thought I found love end of last year. It was exciting, new, controversial but with a lot of issues. And after a long thought, it wasn't worth it. Heck, I forget I am not the same girl I was 10 years ago. At my current situation, I have to be very selective letting guys near me. After all, it is very difficult to find a decent man nowadays.

So one fine night, I woke up at around 4 am as usual. I forgotten my Isya', so I got up to pray. After finishing prayer, I asked God, when will I find true love, and then my gaze fell onto the bed. Lying on the bed was my little angel sleeping soundly, crawled up next to my pillow. She looked so peaceful lying there. I then realized, love was there all along - there lying next to me. My little angel that can always make me smile even in the worst of scenarios.

I promised her I'd come home early. Hopefully today I could. Amen.

2010 New Year Resolution

Normally my resolutions are long winded and detailed but I guess I'll keep that one on a hard copy diary. This is just the short versions of my resolutions for the year. Okie time to shoot:

1. Obtain a minimum of 5 digit salary a month.
2. Lose 10 kiloes by end of the year - current weight 68kg (Last year 78kg).
3. Buy my first property.
4. Go on a back-packing (or B&B) trip either in US or UK.
5. Go for Umrah.
6. Obtain financial freedom.
7. Get a new car.
8. Learn Mandarin.
9. Get my Diplomas in dermatology and aesthetics.
10. Take my kids to Disneyland.
11. Go on holiday to an Island paradise.
12. Ensure my business makes 100K/month sales.
13. Start the groundwork for my retirement plan project.
14. Learn a dance.
15. Get a steady life partner - yes I'm allowing my heart to love again.
16. Create a source of passive income.
17. Get a pair of Gucci glasses.
18. Involve in more relief works.
19. Enroll my babies into ballet and piano classes.
20. Be a better servant to Allah.

Okie... all the best and wish me luck!!!!